Checkin’ In

Penny Dog lickin' her Chops.Finally had a chance to just be alone today. Took Penny Dog for a walk in the woods. Thought about my sister. She would have liked the walk.

Talked to my mom on Wednesday, she sounded tired but a bit more at peace. I can’t imagine how my mom feels, but I was relieved to hear her say she feels like she is surrounded by a white light and that she feels my sister is in a good place now.

And I feel okay. too.

Spooky conditions . . .

Of course, live is the real deal . . .

Have some heart!

aspen (c) 2014 Holly TroyWe are moving on to the heart chakra in this session of Writing the Energetic Body. I’ve been really busy this last week – healing from a cycling accident and having changes come up at work. Getting to the heart, for me, is perfect timing right now. The little video is a good reminder to slow down and breathe.

Om shanti.

The prompts I’ve given this time are:

Forgiveness

Write about the color green without mentioning the word green.

Write for fifteen minutes on “I love”, and then fifteen minutes on, “I don’t love.”

Getting deep into Autumn – reset button

Single track az trail (c) holly troy 2014The eclipse held intense energy. That day I felt like my entire being was shoved through a sieve. Slow, excruciating, compressed. It is suddenly very important to decide “what’s next” for my life – and to take the necessary steps to get there.

Feeling much lighter today – ready for the work to shift my life. Reset button!

I started my writing class on the eclipse – and offered up an intention setting ritual. My response to the intention this morning:

Amazing eclipse energy! This class is an intention, and today, while visiting a friend in Sedona, I will further my intention ritual. Pumpkin carving with friends will become a ritual.

I viewed the sun and moon through two different telescopes during the eclipse. In the first the sun looked white and the moon dark grey. Along the edge of the moon I could see ripples in the surface. Craters! And I could see sun spots. What are sun spots? The surface of the sun is like fire, but there are spots there. The second telescope had a different light spectrum, and the sun was red while the moon was black. On the edges of the sun I could see solar flares! They looked like swirling red smoke.

The moon set off my moon 6 days early. OK. Maybe I am on track now with the new moon. The energy around the eclipse felt compressed, like the light. I’ve been needing a lot of rest – yet when I am resting I feel restless. My dreams that night warned me not to get caught in webs of despair, I need to be careful who I let into my life. Some people cast far-reaching spells. I know who I need to let go of. Karmic, lifetimes. The contracts are null and void.

I’m having fun with the workshop – I always do. I love writing, I love yoga, I love cycling, I love painting, I love cooking for friends, I love feeling centered and connected, I love nature. Sometimes the class is a spark for me to remember these things.

Below are prompts and a video for the first chakra writing. Participants are encouraged to do the exercise in the video and then choose one prompt to write on for half an hour without stopping.

You are three years-old and it’s dinner time. What’s happening?

When did you first believe you were solid?

Write about the color red without mentioning the word red.

Scorpio 2014 – Writing the Energetic Body

Just finished setting up the private website for the 2014 Scorpio Writing the Energetic Body Online Class. I keep refining the work. Little by little.

In a couple of days we will be writing – and sharing and shifting our inner landscapes. New Moon Solar Eclipse starts it. If you want to join in, register here. 

My “About” page:

Hello! Hello!

My intention for Writing the Energetic Body is to explore coping with change, healing, and taking responsibility for our selves, our society, and our planet, through creativity and the creative process.

Writing the Energetic Body will use the major chakra system as the “backbone” for self-exploration through writing. Creative visualization, gentle movement, sound, sensory stimulation, collage and writing prompts designed to “wake up” specific chakras will inspire a series of timed writings and creative excavation.

As a participant, you will:

  • use writing as a tool to compassionately and creatively observe your Self
  • uncover hidden impulses, stories, and patterns in your life
  • use movement to awaken the body/mind
  • utilize the breath for presence in the moment
  • do collage work to deepen and expand your vision

Each week, we will focus on the issues of one chakra.

1st Chakra – This is our entrance into the earthly plane, our right to be in the world. Issues surround survival and our “tribe”.

2nd Chakra – This is where we experience the power of relationships. We will explore pleasure, sexuality, emotions, and the desire to create.

3rd Chakra – This is where we gain our sense of personal identity, power, and will. Who are you? What is your purpose?

4th Chakra – We will open to compassion, self-acceptance, and love.

5th Chakra – We will look at clear communication, self-expression, creativity and “Divine Will”. What happens when you speak your Truth?

6th Chakra – We will explore perception, clarity of vision, and psychic ability. How do you see the world? How does intuition and imagination expand your life experience?

7th Chakra – How do we understand the world? What is our connection to Higher Power? We will look at thought as the seed of manifestation and how the energy of this “ethereal” chakra can be brought “down to earth”.

meadow (c) 2014 Holly TroyWhy write?

When we value our individual talents, rather than strive to be one with the masses, we contribute to the diversity of our society. When we can find balance and honor ourselves, we lose the need to constantly consume “stuff” in order to feel normal or happy. Our world is rapidly changing; more and more of us are finding that “business as usual” no longer works. We are at a point in our history where it’s imperative that we trust our intuition and innate creativity in order to survive.

If we believe our own vision and drive are valid, then we would naturally want to take care of our world. If we feel that our ideas matter, then the desire to do “good” becomes even more powerful. My intention for Writing the Energetic Body is to explore coping with change, healing, and taking responsibility for our selves, our society, and our planet, through creativity and the creative process.

Our chakra system directly links to our bodies—physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually. There are over 88,000 chakras, or energy systems, in the body. We have the ability to open ourselves to immense consciousness by working with the chakras.

In this class, we will focus on the seven major chakras and our relationship to them. We will use the major chakra system as a “backbone” for self-exploration through journal writing. Each of us has our own unique life experience, so although we can relate chakras to certain aspects of our lives, our own experiences may be intensely personal and unique.

Writing is a powerful act. When we write on a regular basis, we begin to observe ours selves and our place in the world with detachment. We begin to notice what is colorful in our lives. We may notice recurring themes or interests. We may begin to formulate questions and find the answers on the page. “Are their changes I’d like to make? What ideas would I like to explore more thoroughly? What are my gifts and how can I share them? Who is supportive of my ideas and me?”

Despite having many interests, I have found that as my life shifts and changes, I always come back to writing. Writing is an act of excavating, an uncovering of layers and discovering our own depths and imagination. I believe that when we are present and honest on the page, we can take that experience into our lives and have richer, more dynamic relationships.

I have been allowing writing be a way for me to observe my life. Yoga is also a way to observe my life. Both activities have helped me to move out of competition and worry, and into strength, grounded-ness, compassion, and self-expression.

My intention is to move beyond intellectual understanding of the chakras and to create a safe and sacred space where we will explore aspects of our creativity through the lens of the chakra system.

How to write? What if I’ve never written before?

No worries! The writing prompts and movement are geared to stimulate the chakra we are focusing on. I will ask you to write for a specific period of time. During the writing period, the only requirement of you is to write until time is up.

There is no wrong way to do this. You may write any way you like. Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or punctuation. They do not matter here. There is only one rule, keep your hand moving. If you feel stuck, keep writing anyway. Try going back to the prompt and write it out until other words arise, then write those—or, repeat the last word you wrote again and again until new words appear—or, write, “I am stuck,” or “I can’t think of anything,” as long as you keep your hand moving. Writing is physical, the words will move through your body and come out of your hand—just keep it moving.

I hope that some of the writing you do here opens you up to going deeper and perhaps inspires you to write a personal essay, a story, a poem, or to explore some recurring themes in your life. At the very least, writing is communication, and, if you can write the truth, then you are deepening your relationship with your Self.

Mostly, I invite you to have fun! I am looking forward to seeing creative energies flowing. Although the prompts are linked in some way to the chakras, I encourage you to let go and just write whatever comes to you.

* * * * *

Om Shanti,

Holly

Discovering – “The Magic of Asking”

I came across The Magic of Asking – by Truth Warrior. It is timely as we are coming to a New Moon Solar Eclipse on the North Node in Scorpio (check out Anne Ortelee’s Weekly Weather Pocast for the week of October 19th) – a truly magical time for asking and setting intentions.

Most of us want to improve some area of our lives, however at times this can be easier said than done. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. This is very true. Another definition could also be asking the same questions over and over again and expecting a different result.  I was reflecting to myself the other day, on the importance of asking ourselves the right questions.

Truth Warrior has positive suggestion and helpful ideas. To check out the rest of the article and get suggestions on asking effective questions, go here . . . 

Aspen on the Schultz Creek Trail (c) 2014 Holly TroyHave a great day!

Om shanti ~

Holly

gratitude and stringbeans

October 2012 seems like it was so long ago. I had recently signed a lease in Phoenix, and immediately knew I made a big mistake moving there. I was driving up to Flagstaff once a week to go to work at the university. I had no place to stay in Flag, so I was sleeping on the floor in an empty room of my ex-partner’s sister’s house while up north. I felt as if I was completely disappearing and was possibly more alone than I had ever been in my entire life.

It took all my energy, all my hope and strength to pull through that year.

A few people reached out to me, and I am grateful for their efforts and love, even though I may not have been able to show it at the time.

circa 1995 - getting ready to go-go at Flamingo East

circa 1995 – getting ready for a go-go show at Flamingo East Cocktail Lounge.

Today while cleaning off the desktop of my computer I found this piece I wrote after talking to a manager at a restaurant I applied to. Money was unbelievably tight at the time, even thinking about it now it is hard to imagine. At 41 years old I found myself retracing my steps – where I made the wrong choices and the right choices, all that I had been through in my life up until that moment, how it matters and doesn’t matter at the same time.

Who really cares about the dues a person pays in a lifetime? And who do the dues go to anyway? Maybe it all makes for a great story (or not). Or maybe in a broader sense, our own experiences that no one else knows about, are the things that help us have compassion. Who knows what anybody is really going through? Who knows what anybody’s story is?

October 5, 2012

Gimme a chance, gimme a bone,
Gimme a stringbean, gimme a loan —
I got this mind, I got this mind, I got this mind
I got this past, I got this past, I got this past

“Sometimes we have trannies, grannies, and business men all in the same room — can you handle that?”

Fuck you! Is all I wanna say, but instead I pull my lady-like self together (why do you think I’m here???) Yes, I’m wearing a polyester dress made in India, it’s the best I could fucking do for this interview at your fucking restaurant.

I wanna scream!!!! Who the fuck cares????

I got this past, I got this hair, I got this skin.

And I’m thinking today — I miss my carney friend, my freaks, my freakiness, my geeks. I miss Eak and our conversations about the world and what it’s like to be a Capricorn at this time, in this place, too much thinking now – not enough sharing, daring, caring.

Strange morning hours when the roaming crack heads are winding down, before the suits come out, when subtle dawn sweeps in a clean smell before the night’s piss and garbage warm and waft in the sun – those brief moments of tense potentiality before the release of gases, masses, and money.

That bubble, that surface, that pierces the depth between tenderness and violence, humanity and scrutiny, emptiness and capitalism; that brief pause before the next inhale.

* * * * *

* I forgot to mention – I got the job (three months later)

It was . . . so real

Dreaming of my old neighborhood(s) in New York City. Rolling over the past in my sleep, unconsciously in(ter)jecting new thoughts and experiences. In my dreams there is less concrete and more wood. The decay is still abundant.

After all the haze and horror of the 80s, the 90s was a time of hope, even among the rubble. Music, art, creativity, yoga and spirituality merged and emerged from the grayness and dust of the city, of the darkest places. It was like swimming, like falling, in a deep pool of inspiration, so many ageless children diving down and willingly sharing, exchanging, the pearls we’d found at the murky bottom.

It was a time.

I remember Jeff Buckley surfacing.