A Deal With God

Schulz Creek Road and Peak (c) 2015 Holly Troy

I looked up while riding Schulz Creek Road and saw the peaks. I’ve been living out here for almost eight years and I am still in awe of the beauty of this place. To either side of me was single track which I normally ride — I chose the road so I could still get a ride in while nursing an injured leg. The way down though was all swoopy fun on the AZ Trail and Moto before crossing over to Schulz Creek Trail.

To my left I saw Tom riding single track just above me. He is a graceful rider, he makes climbing look effortless. He did not see me. He was focused on the climb. Watching Tom glide and disappear into the forest and the view of the mountains inspired me to pedal faster up that hill.

If there is a God for me, it is Nature.

I started singing this song as I rolled up the hill . . .

Running up that Hill (Deal With God)

From Wikipedia – The song itself has often been misinterpreted. Bush herself has said,

I was trying to say that, really, a man and a woman, can’t understand each other because we are a man and a woman. And if we could actually swap each other’s roles, if we could actually be in each other’s place for a while, I think we’d both be very surprised! [Laughs] And I think it would lead to a greater understanding. And really the only way I could think it could be done was either… you know, I thought a deal with the devil, you know. And I thought, ‘well, no, why not a deal with God!’ You know, because in a way it’s so much more powerful the whole idea of asking God to make a deal with you. You see, for me it is still called “Deal With God”, that was its title. But we were told that if we kept this title that it would not be played in any of the religious countries, Italy wouldn’t play it, France wouldn’t play it, and Australia wouldn’t play it! Ireland wouldn’t play it, and that generally we might get it blacked purely because it had God in the title.[4]

It doesn’t hurt me
Do you want to feel how it feels?
Do you want to know, know that it doesn’t hurt me?
Do you want to hear about the deal that I’m making?
You
It’s you and me

And if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places
Be running up that road
Be running up that hill
Be running up that building
Say, if I only could, oh

You don’t want to hurt me
But see how deep the bullet lies
Unaware I’m tearing you asunder
Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts
Is there so much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don’t we?
You
It’s you and me
It’s you and me, you won’t be unhappy

And if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places
Be running up that road
Be running up that hill
Be running up that building
Say, if I only could, oh

You
It’s you and me
It’s you and me, you won’t be unhappy

Oh come on, baby
Oh come on, darling
Let me steal this moment from you now
Oh come on, angel
Come on, come on, darling
Let’s exchange the experience, oh

And if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places
I’d be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems

Say, if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places
I’d be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems

Say, if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places
And be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems

Say, if I only could
I’d be running up that hill
With no problems

If I only could
I’d be running up that hill
If I only could
I’d be running up that hill

Villanelle – Pressing Against Chaos

Wish I Were the Earth

Wish I were the earth
could open my mouth
and swallow the blur.

Turn a wail to a purr
in my warm dark house
if I were the earth.

A natural re-birth
on deep stable ground
if I could swallow the blur.

Wouldn’t leave me to murmur
my pain in your couch
if I were the earth.

A place to clear hurt
to quiet loud sounds
and dissolve the blur.

Fear turns to dirt
when it is found
that I am the earth.
I will swallow the blur.

* * * * *

I’ve been going back and forth with the idea of applying for the MFA Prpeaks (c) 2015 Holly Troyogram in Creative Writing at Northern Arizona University. I’ve put together my manuscript, but have yet to write my application letter and request my letters of recommendation.

Do I go to school to write, or do I just keep writing?

This poem is another response to 9/11.

Thanks for reading.

Happy Spring!

Holly

Sister/Brother Giant 2015 – Engaging Expansion and Awareness in a Democracy at Risk

Occupy Tucson Sign (c) 2011 Holly TroyI did not go to Sister Giant this year – but it is an inspiring and amazing event that I would recommend to anyone who cares about the state of our planet.

Check out my post from my 2012 trip to Sister Giant:  Sustainable Politics through Love – thoughts on Sister Giant (part 1).

Love restores the bottom line, and not the other way around. ~Marianne Williamson

In notes from my experience at the 2012 Sister Giant, I wrote:

There were moments at Sister Giant where I was incredibly uplifted, and moments where I felt myself plummet to the depths of darkness as I relived how my own life has been affected by poverty and homelessness and fear and violence and sexism and racism and invisibility—and how I am not alone, not today nor in the history of our country! I also felt the relief of light shined on those dark aspects of our collective history, the “dirty little secrets” that are not secrets (sexism, racism, poverty, genocide, hunger, classism, etc.), by the voices of courageous women and men who are taking a stand for humanity—and calling all of us to do the same! I felt myself sweat and squirm, I laughed and cried, I felt the gravity of our collective and individual situations, and I experienced the capacity to love humanity and our potential to bear witness to our struggles and to be light for one another.

Our stories are powerful!

I am looking forward to seeing what comes out of the Sister Giant conference this year. I may post more about it – and also – continue to respond to my experience from a few years ago.

Marianne Williamson herself ran as an Independent for Congress in 2014. While she didn’t win the race, she still made an impact. Williamson says,

And the cause was always bigger than one woman winning one Congressional seat. I know many people who were part of the campaign, and supported it, are now doing amazing things to continue the work of peaceful revolutionary change. For myself, it’s time to create a new platform, harnessing the same conversation and in service to the same goal: political change in America aligned with the angels of our better nature. . . . This isn’t a time to whine. It’s a time to engage. For the cause of peace. For the cause of democracy. And for the cause of love.

Issues discussed at Sister Giant are:
Democracy at Risk
Mass Incarceration
Our Food Supply
The Economy
War and Peace

It is clear that our politics and our country are in crisis. We need to be engaged now, and not expect that common sense and compassion will prevail on their own. What small and not so small actions can you take to be involved in shaping your community and the world at large?

sometimes you are helpless

Humid

Breath is pulled from my lungs.
My throat goes hollow
every time a howling
fire truck wails down the street.

My throat goes hollow,
I could swallow those anxious faces peering
from the fire truck wailing down the street.
It would be safer in my mouth—

I could swallow those anxious faces peering,
despite (my) pounding temples and blurred time.
It would be safer in my mouth—
I could shout a warning.

In spite of pounding temples and blurred time,
every time there’s a howling
it’s a warning
that’s been pulled from my lungs.

* * * * *

Yesterday, when I read the news that there was a gas leak explosion in the neighborhood that was my home of twenty years, New York’s East Village, I gasped. Three buildings caught fire and collapsed. This bullet point in the Daily Mail headline haunts me: Nicholas Figueroa, 23, who was on a date at a sushi restaurant and Moises Lucon, who worked there, have been reported missing.

east village coffee shop (c) 2009 Holly TroyFire was one of my greatest fears wile living in the city. There is nothing like the sinking feeling of walking home and seeing firetrucks on your block, or a friend’s block. How quickly fire can spread on those tenement buildings pressed up against one another.

Of course, fire is a big issue here as well. I’ve experienced two forest fires, and both times, have had friends whose homes came close to being swallowed up. Last year, when I first started dating my boyfriend, I helped him evacuate his home. The landscape was eerie and strangely beautiful, overcome with the haze of smoke and (not so) distant glow of fire.

I wrote the poem above in response to 9/11.After the attack, walking by a fire station was like walking through a pocket of sorrow – the weight of sadness in the air was palpable. So much loss. Whenever I’d see a firetruck, I was overwhelmed  by the faces of the men inside. Just, oh – I wish 9/11 never happened.

Communicate . . . Any Way You Can

We all have our own stories to tell – what are yours? (5th Chakra)

“I do not know the truth, or I do not know how to tell the truth. All I have are stories, night thoughts, the sudden convictions that uncertainty spawns.” – Anne Enright, The Gathering

“You are song, a wished-for song.”- Rumi

“Puritanism hangs heavily on American literature . . . The French were able to produce very beautiful erotic writing because there was no puritan taboo, and the best writers would turn to erotic writing without the feeling that sensuality was something to be ashamed of and treated with contempt.” (2nd chakra and the 5th chakra) Anias Nin from
Eroticism in Women, Playgirl, April 1974.

truth tree (c) 2015 Holly Troy“Music is the language of the spirit. It opens the secret of life bringing peace, abolishing strife.” ― Khalil Gibran

“My Soul gave me good counsel, teaching me that the lamp which I carry does not belong to me, and the song that I sing was not generated from within me.” ― Khalil Gibran

“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.” ― Khalil Gibran

“To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.” —Voltaire

“I sense the world might be more dreamlike, metaphorical, and poetic than we currently believe–but just as irrational as sympathetic magic when looked at in a typically scientific way. I wouldn’t be surprised if poetry–poetry in the broadest sense, in the sense of a world filled with metaphor, rhyme, and recurring patterns, shapes, and designs–is how the world works. The world isn’t logical, it’s a song.” David Byrne

“[What I want to communicate] doesn’t have a language with which I can communicate it. The things that I want to communicate are simply self-evident, emotional things. And the gifts of those things are that they bring both intellectual and emotional gifts — understanding. But I don’t really have a major message that I want to bring to the world through my music. The music can tell people everything they need to know about being human beings. It’s not my information, it’s not mine. I didn’t make it. I just discovered it.” — Jeff Buckley

“We have to create culture, don’t watch TV, don’t read magazines, don’t even listen to NPR. Create your own roadshow. The nexus of space and time where you are now is the most immediate sector of your universe, and if you’re worrying about Michael Jackson or Bill Clinton or somebody else, then you are disempowered, you’re giving it all away to icons, icons which are maintained by an electronic media so that you want to dress like X or have lips like Y. This is shit-brained, this kind of thinking. That is all cultural diversion, and what is real is you and your friends and your associations, your highs, your orgasms, your hopes, your plans, your fears. And we are told ‘no’, we’re unimportant, we’re peripheral. ‘Get a degree, get a job, get a this, get a that.’ And then you’re a player, you don’t want to even play in that game. You want to reclaim your mind and get it out of the hands of the cultural engineers who want to turn you into a half-baked moron consuming all this trash that’s being manufactured out of the bones of a dying world.” ― Terence McKenna

“When we are young, the words are scattered all around us. As they are assembled by experience, so also are we, sentence by sentence, until the story takes shape.” ~Louise Erdrich

“If you have the words, there’s always a chance that you’ll find the way.” ~ Seamus Heaney

 . . . originally posted at Writing the Energetic Body

Live Long and Prosper

Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner having a breakLeonard Nimoy has always been cool. Sad to see him go – but glad he spent time on the planet.

I had a secret crush on Spock when I was a little girl. I always felt like an “alien” myself – and I tend to be analytical – so I could relate to his character.

For a girl born into a mormon household in the 70s – Star Trek helped make Science interesting and normal – nothing “illogical” about it.

Nimoy made the world a better place.

I think “Spocking” would have made Leonard Nimoy smile. I suspect he had a cheeky spirit.

R.I.P. and Thank You, Leonard Nimoy.

Under the Cold Surface . . .

the heart

The heart is the toughest part of the body.
Tenderness is in the hands.  ~ 
Carolyn Forché

“Be real with love! We have so little time here.” – Randi Vanessa Taylor-Habib

“If you work really hard, and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.” ~ Conan O’Brien

love on  summer day (c) 2014 Holly Troy“I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else.” ― Jonathan Safran Foer

“To love at all is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis

“Certainly the modern poets I cherish most are disturbing spirits; they do not come to coo.” ~ Stanley Kunitz

“Grief changes shape, but it never ends. People have a misconception that you can deal
with it and say, ‘It’s gone, and I’m better.’ They’re wrong.” — Keanu Reeves

“Come on people, now, smile on your brother,
Everybody get together, try to love one another
right now…. ”
—Chet (Chester Williams) Powers, Jr. (1937-1994)
AKA Dino Valenti, Jesse Oris Farrow,
“Let’s Get Together” (1963)

“If we begin to get in touch with whatever we feel with some kind of kindness, our protective shells will melt, and we’ll find that more areas of our lives are workable. AS we learn to have compassion for ourselves, the circle of compassion for others—what and whom we can work with, and how—becomes wider.” – Pema Chodron

“The only reason that we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes.” – Pema Chodron

“From the very beginning to the very end, pointing to our own hearts to discover what is true isn’t just a matter of honesty but also of compassion and respect for what we see.” – Pema Chodron

“I grabbed my book and opened it up. I wanted to smell it. Heck, I wanted to kiss it. Yes, kiss it. That’s right, I am a book kisser. Maybe that’s kind of perverted or maybe it’s just romantic and highly intelligent.”  ― Sherman Alexie

“Compassion is the basis of morality.” ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

“Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.” ~ William Shakespeare

A strange passion is moving in my head.
My heart has become a bird
Which searches in the sky.
Every part of me goes in different directions.
Is it really so
That the one I love is everywhere? ~ Rumi

 more heart quotes here . . .