Tell me everything you know for sure about your life.

I don’t know where I got this writing prompt from. Maybe it was from the amazing poet, teacher, and adventuress, Maya Stein. (Even if it wasn’t, check out her site and see what she is up to. Her undertakings are inspiring, surprising and fun).

The prompt is this:

Free-write on – Tell me everything you know for sure about your life.

Blue in Red (c) Holly Troy 2014

I know for sure that I have to move my body in order to keep from getting lost in my mind.

I know that there is something special about living in this small mountain town.

I get that I can’t go back in time and experience New York in the 90s over again. I realize now that I can’t even imagine living in the city again – although for a few moments a few months ago, I did imagine it with ardor.

I know I need beauty and fresh air and birds singing and to stop looking at the fucking internet.

I want to remember life before the internet, life before wifi. I want old school – I want pay phones, I want paper letters that arrive in the mail. Wait, I don’t miss pay phones – I am forever repulsed by the surprise of picking up a handset covered in an unidentified, thick, sticky substance.

Fuck public phones – but I do love public transportation when it is not rush hour.

What I love more is riding my bicycle where I need to go. I know for sure I love my bicycle. It keeps me moving.

I know I need the earth, to experience my physicality as much as possible everyday. I know that after 20 years of looking hard for beauty, and sometimes only finding it in the smallest cracks in the sidewalk – I don’t want to look that hard anymore.

I know for sure that I want to have fun, but I don’t want to play games – unless they are volleyball or hockey or scrabble.

I know for sure that I love sex, really good sex, and that I will not put up with bad sex – or be in a relationship with scarce sex or no sex. Fuck that.

I know for sure that I can see bullshit coming from miles away but that I don’t always dodge it very well.

I know I like to put my tongue on smooth stones, to taste their chalkiness and feel the moisture being sucked from my tongue.

I know that I say I want to be near the beach but I keep staying in the high desert because I like to choose when I am around lots of people.

I know I need to visit the ocean soon.

I know that I like to see softness in things that are hard.

I know that I am glad to be a woman, that I love having the body that I have even though I am not always satisfied with it.

What do I know for sure?

I know for sure that I could not have said no to save my life.

Sweetness, Desire, Relationships

I’ve got a Part II to the New Moon post, but tonight, some quotes on the 2nd Chakra, which is connected to the moon.

sweet flower (c) holly troy2nd Chakra: Svadhistana ~ Sweetness • Desire • Power of Relationships • The Right to Feel • Water

“We may think that when we have completed our study of one we know all about two because two is one and one. We forget that we still have to make a study of ‘and.’” — A. Eddington

“Every perfect action is accompanied by pleasure. By that you can tell what you ought to do.” — Andre Gide

“Ascetic spirituality is a symptom of the very disease which it intends to cure.” — Alan Watts

“Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.” ~ Bill Nye

“It is said that each time we embrace someone warmly, we gain an extra day of life.” – Paulo Coelho

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” — Plato

“A Revolution without dancing is not a revolution worth having.” -Emma Goldman

Wanna see more? go here . . .

Born on a Thursday #34: I <3 My Bike

Late Fall in Flagstaff Town
Hotel Monte Vista (c) 2013 Holly TroyWhile riding my bike to meet my sweetheart at Madrid (a Spanish tapas restaurant here in Flagstaff), I noticed the orange of the Hotel Monte Vista sign glowing against turquoise blue sky.

I was waiting for the train to pass, and hoped to snap a picture while traffic was stopped. Of course, that required removing my gloves (which is no small feat with my broken pinky and fitting a glove around the splint), and then getting my phone and trying to see the image on the screen clearly (I smashed my phone a few months back, had initially decided to upgrade and haven’t done it yet for two reasons: financially I don’t have $100 to spare, and, now it has almost become an experiment to see how long I can use a broken phone), opening the camera and snapping the image.

No go! There was no way to get the gloves off quickly enough. So I took this pic as I got to Aspen and San Francisco. The light had changed a tad, but still a magical glow.

I <3 my Bike! (c) Holly TroyI am grateful the weather has been gorgeous this week! More beautiful days of cycling around town. I admit I am a little nervous about cycling in the winter, but, as I love cycling AND it’s my only mode of transportation, winter on bicycle is an adventure to be had!!

Born on a Thursday #27 – Finding Home

I met my friend Stacy on Tuesday night – we got together to write. I wrote this as a warm-up . . . 

Here I am writing on a Tuesday, but thinking about Thursday (Born on a Thursday). Actually I’m not thinking ’bout Thursday at all, I am thinking how much I love my friend Stacy and this gorgeous town I live in – and the people who live here.

Since going to New York and seeing my family I’d lost a little of my confidence – and I am questioning everything now – even though I know it’s ridiculous. I’m sitting with Stacy right now and we are writing!! Oh boy!

Before we started writing Stacy says to me – Of course you’re a little shaky. Don’t be so hard on your self. You’ve just been through a big break-up, you lost everything, you moved to a new home, you didn’t have a job, you started seeing a new guy, then you went back east and there’s all kinds of stuff going on with your family . . . just be kind to yourself. She reaches out and holds my hand. I give you permission to feel a little uncomfortable.

Well thanks, Girl!!

(Whew! Sometimes a little permission is all a person needs, and compassion, and kindness, and love . . . )

God, I love my peeps here. Honestly, I’m not that tough. Or maybe, I’m just tired of being tough. I am surrounded by a lot of people who love me, and that’s my choice. It’s taken years to cultivate my relationships  – and then some of my new relationships have fallen into place so easily I can hardly believe it! Though I do believe it, because I experience it.

I’m sitting here at Rendezvous, a hotel coffee shop/bar on the corner of San Francisco and Aspen. I like this place – it’s the place where I come when I don’t necessarily need to talk to people, but need to be among people. Of course, I end up talking to people usually anyway.

sunset from the front porch (c) holly troy 2013My heart feels so open – and has been for months now. I’m falling in love with Flagstaff all over again. I am in love with this place. The vibes ebb and flow here – the energy is light and warm right now – and I know, since I’ve done this seasonal dance several times already, that soon it will be cold and harsh and unforgiving – almost — it’s still so beautiful! Just when it seems like it’s too much, I think about summer here. No place compares.

I am remembering the cold caverns of ninth street, East Village, NYC. Fuck, that has got to be the coldest street in America – I mean the wind will whip through you so fast, so bitterly penetrating, you will feel like your bones are cold until July! And the gloomy sky is grey and feels like it’s hanging low, and the buildings are looming and stoney grey, and even the snow, is gritty and grey – for months. That won’t do.

Honestly, winter is just tough for me. It’s learning how to roll with it — get some snow shoes, proper clothing, prepare to turn inward. Yoga! Snuggling! Winter gear! Art! Reading! Fireplaces! 

I still find myself comparing Flagstaff to NYC. There is so much to do in NY, but natural beauty wins out today. It always has. I spent half my life living in NYC, and, for half that time feeling wistful about trees and fresh air and quiet. Ah. When I want noise now, I go to it, rather than try to shut it out. I love that.

Today, I sit in Rendezvous, facing San Francisco Street, the sun is setting, one of my best friends in the world is sitting next to me writing, too, the sweet man that I have been seeing these last couple of months is down the street having dinner with his mom, the weather is perfect, I get loads of exercise everyday, I eat well, I have a lot of laughter in my life – life is good!

I just looked at Stacy, she is smiling!!!!

 

Thanks for reading!
Om Namah Shivaya, 
Holly

Friendly Forests!

I just got back from hiking in the forest. I had the need to visit trees today, and it’s the visit among the trees that really grounded me back into being here in the high desert and feeling happy.

I have found myself (this week) telling too many stories about my past – but nature and trees and the big sky are really good for helping me get present. Meditation and yoga are good, but often solitary and sometimes lonely. A solitary hike in the woods doesn’t have the same kind of loneliness (ok, I did bring a dog, but . . . )

There is something wonderful about the trees!

When Dr. Simard starts talking about fungi, the first thing I thought of was a neural network. How cool!

forest near buffalo park (c) 2013 holly troy

Luck, Birds, Toys and Angels

lene_lovich-1Lene Lovich is one of my early musical influences. Someone told me that a photo of me reminded her of Lene Lovich. Her music is fun to revisit . . .

Kinda funny how when my Lucky Number’s One is easily changes to Two. Trick is to find balance – or maybe not – maybe it’s time to just dive the freak in.

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Does balance dull things? Hmmm. Skimming the surface is not how I like to play, I like to dive deep and long. Maybe my balance is the cold mountain air!

Flitty, fluttery bride with black boots! Go!

Hilarious. So 80s.

How could I not love her humor, beauty, and drama? Not to mention that wild voice.

Lene Lovich LeneI found these videos on Lene Lovich’s website – Lene Lovich Band. She is touring in Europe!

* I could not find information on the photographers – so for now, they are unknown.

Born on a Thursday #23: Other Words for Beautiful

One morning I wrote I needed 100 other words for beautiful, since lately, beautiful is the word that I find myself using to describe life. There are more than 100 words listed here:

comely, attractive, handsome, seemly, becoming, sightly, eye-filling, pulchritudinous, beauteous, fair, pretty, bonny, shapely, well-proportioned, glamorous, sexy, charming, engaging, captivating, enthralling, enchanting, alluring, fascinating, winsome, winning, bewitching, enticing, tempting, seductive, ravishing, personable, pleasant, lovely, divine, graceful, elegant, artistic, delicate, dainty, excellent, superior, magnificent, gorgeous, fine, first-rate, first-class, prime, choice, select, exquisite, rare, superb, matchless, unequalled, nonpareil, resplendent, dazzling, radiant, shining, lustrous, effulgent, goodly, bright-eyed, curvaceous, proper, befitting, decorous, tasteful, decent, modest, correct, refined, cultivated, polished, harmonious, symmetrical, proportioned, pleasing, appealing, taking, interesting, fascinating, foxy, stunning, agreeable, canny, fair, striking, zingy, flattering, tasteful, aesthetic, picturesque, well-put-together, balanced,well-made, well-constructed, well-formed, liberal, considerable, sizable, goodly, large, big, bounteous, ample, sufficient, satisfactory, enough, more than enough, gracious, princely, noble, chivalrous, magnanimous, big, big-hearted, good-hearted, generous, great-hearted, munificent, open-handed, free, unselfish, unsparing, unstinting, lavish, dignified, alluring, engaging, cute, stylish, fashionable, chic, graceful, decent, worthy, fair of face, well-favored, built, stacked, zaftig, voluptuous, fetching, in full bloom, rosy-cheeked, glowing, sunny, bright, cloudless, clear, calm, halcyon, unblemished, untarnished, spotless, unstained, impeccable, pure, good, clean, virtuous, melodious, tuneful, dulcet, sweet-sounding, musical, silvery, velvety, smooth, golden, tantalizing, irresistible, provocative, intriguing, beguiling, intoxicating, ravishing, exciting, thrilling, spine-tingling, electrifying, hair-raising, far-out, rip-roaring, stimulating, stirring, rousing, inspiring, invigorating, excitant, excitative, moving, impelling, compelling, soul-stirring, heart-moving, overpowering, overwhelming, overcoming, arousing, sensuous, sensual, sexual, erotic, risqué, magnetizing, hypnotizing, mesmerizing, transporting, enjoyable, delightful, inducing, inflaming, dazzling, attractive, prepossessing, poised, composed, stable, even, equanimity, symmetry, equalized, poised, stabilized, steady, proportioned, aligned, progressive, enlightened, up-to-date, modern, open-minded, broad-minded, beneficient, charitable, humanitarian, royal, regal, lavish, profuse, rich, ample, copious, plenteous, plentiful, rife, luxuriant, extensive, broad, wide, far-reaching, wide-reaching, wide-ranging, wholesale, full, sweeping, large-scale, free, casual, unrestricted, nonrestrictive, extended, independent, free-spirited, individual, humanist, nature, natural

What are your favorite words for beautiful?

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Have a great week ~

Holly