Donuts, Aquarius, and The Shadow – Dancing with the Echoes of Eternity

Grief and the shadow have been staring me down. I’m seeing patterns, and more and more, time feels less linear to me, spherical, maybe even donut-shaped.

Addiction, alienation, secrets, power, sexuality, envy, fear – the stuff we keep hidden – I’ve been circling around the subjects and diving through. I feel like I’ve been breaking past human darkness and into something more brilliant and magnificent, something that reverberates beyond my body, beyond space, and beyond time.

Jung saw the shadow as “the seat of creativity.” What if we looked at the shadow differently? What if we if we looked at the shadow as the hidden part of ourselves that is the cosmic hyper-dimensional being that is who we are in eternity – and – what if we take that part of ourselves and integrate it into our consciousness? Shadow as the Infinite Self, rather than the lowest aspect of our being. Or, if we look at the polarity of the shadow – the lowest part must also includes the highest part.

Check out Mama Maga’s video below. She is right in synch with how I’ve been thinking about the shadow and about time lately. She’s discusses the Aquarian view of the Shadow. Our perception of reality can open or close doors to how we view and experience our lives.

Mama Maga asks, “Is the great aspect of you your shadow?” and, “How is the energy in your nervous system transforming?”

The collage below is from Tribal Donut, Issue 1, 1991, page 9 – San Francisco. I view it as incredibly Scorpionic, a way of looking at the shadow as self through creative play. The collage artist was a friend of mine at the time – Jason Keehn (a.k.a. Cinnamon Twist). The creative play I experienced in the 90s was exquisite, and I feel as if those creative doors are opening again. I feel this beautiful (and sometimes scary) part of my past is echoing into my future . . .

tribal donut page 9_cinnamon twist_shadow

Excerpt from Tribal Donut (pages 5 and 6):

Tribal Donut—somewhere between dolphin pod, sufi halka, magikal circle . . . without gurus or masters, or rather, where anyone  & anything can be a source of revelation; where each of us is both student and teacher to each other at different times; where the formal intitiatic hierarchy is dissolved into a movement of learning from one another and from life.

No program, no predefined goal, no rules: call it a kind of experiment in kaos magick.

A signal in the cracks of your so-called waking world, a blip of that way rad akashic musick-video you glimpsed yourself in your wildest, most luminescent luminous dreams . . .

A psychick postcard from the city on the edge of forever, beamed out on the pulse of Love to tomorrow’s friends . . .

Simple premise: Nobody is going to create your utopia for you. (Sidestepping here the aspect of Utopia as dead perfection). Do It Yourself. It may be small, it may be fragmentary, it may be evanescent, and the going may not be very easy, but what else is there to do? What are we here for anyway?

Finished listing excuses for why things are they way they are. after all the obstacles and inertia and “forces of oppression,” there remains a fundamental openness waiting to find channels through which it can remake itself/be remade . . . Count up the untold horrors and pains and ugliness wrought by domesticated primates on each other & their world; try to change it: struggle yes—but do you really know what you are up against, & just how deep it runs? . . .Maybe to truly take responsibility for your own life—as opposed to taking on the weight of the world when you can’t even clean up after your own mess, ‘internal’ or ‘external’—is to see that there’s really nothing preset: so assume your freedom, and out AND PLAY.

And why not create something as radically different as possible from all the dismal and abusive routines of civilization while you are at it . . .??

Sun in Scorpio – Second Chakra Sunshine

Hello!

The Sun is in Scorpio now, and things can get really intense. Scorpio is known as a deeply sexual and psychological sign – so our physical, emotional, and mental energies may be building up at this time around the second chakra. With the Sun shining on Scorpio, our shadow side gets lit up. What “hidden” aspects of yourself are beginning to surface?

My friend and reiki teacher, Geordie Numata says this about the current vibrations of  Sun in Scorpio:

With the Sun in Scorpio, we want to get down to the bottom of things, even if it means dragging old rotting skeletons out of the closet. Our Scorpio passion wants to go all the way and isn’t afraid to do whatever it takes to get there. Scorpio is the most masculine of the feminine water signs because it’s passion is hot and it wants to penetrate into the depths of the mysteries (before Pluto was discovered, Mars was assigned to Scorpio). It’s a time when we can get insights into stuff that has stumped us in the the past, but most importantly, It’s a time of regeneration when can let go of the old so we rebirth ourselves into the new. Yes, it’s time to clean up our act now so lets discard everything that no longer serves. Let’s purify and simplify so can fly free into the rarefied ethers of philosophical contemplation when the Sun enters Sagittarius and then plunge into the depths of meditation after the Winter Solstice when the Sun enters Capricorn.

We have so much more freedom now since the massive Blood Moon Total Eclipse purge in September. It’s time to move forward!

Death of the Sunflowers (c) 2015 Holly TroyScorpio is also the time when things die in the Northern Hemisphere. Death can be literal, or it can be a letting go. What do you need to let go of in order to move forward in your life?

If your energy is feeling stuck, why not get it moving with the gentle exercise in the video below? If your lower back feels tight, this is a good stretch. If you just need calming, it’s soothing physically and mentally.

I made this video a few years ago for one of my original Writing the Energetic Body online workshops.

By the way, I’ll be releasing an entirely new online course format in early 2016 – stay tuned!

Thanks for reading,

Holly

New Moon, Creative Sparks, and Old Friends

It’s been a beautiful summer – I’ve been spending so much of it outdoors or semi-outdoors in my garage/painting studio. Sunshine, fresh air, and exercise do wonders not only for the body, but the spirit and soul.

There is a field I ride through that inspired this recent painting called Summer’s End at Forbidden Meadow.

Summer's End at Forbidden Meadow (c) 2015 Holly TroyThe end of summer is usually a sad time for me, but my urge for creating will hopefully alleviate some of the sorrow. My paintings are coming out happy – it’s hard to believe that the green in this began as a black gash across the canvas.

I also have plans for a bit of close-to-home travel through November – including a 25-Hour bike race in Gooseberry, Utah with three other women (our team is called the Sparkle Covered Dirt Princesses!) I’m excited.

I got inspired to post today because I received a message from my friend, healer, and teacher Geordie Numata. He was talking about where he was during 9/11 and how much his life has changed since then. (He is a living miracle and beautiful, intelligent, compassionate human being. You should check out his story). I met Geordie not too long after 9/11. We have had some major adventures – from discussing music to aliens, to doing sweat lodge ceremonies, to meeting up in Peru to do reiki and acupuncture on people living in the Amazon! (9/11 is always a good reminder for me to check in with friends who are still living in New York).

Geordie is not only an incredible healer, but a very knowledgeable astrologer. He wrote a bit about the Virgo New Moon Eclipse that I would like to share with you. Besides the New Moon intentions I whole-heartedly recommend to everyone, Geordie gives us a little advice on handling the intense energies of this lunar cycle.

September will be a month to remember in which we can release large portions of the negativity and limitation which has held us down in density. There is a powerful portal of transformation which opens up today with this New Moon / Eclipse and climaxes with the Autumn Equinox on Sept. 23rd and the Super Full Moon in Aries / Total Lunar Eclipse on Sept. 28th.

Today’s New Moon is amplified by the Partial Solar Eclipse and with the Sun, Moon and Jupiter all in Virgo opposite Neptune and Chiron in Pisces, and Venus newly direct in Leo, we have upgraded values and want to get right to work applying them in our projects. The message is loud and clear now and it’s all about the Pisces / Virgo polarity (they’re opposite each other in the zodiac wheel) – it’s time to set New Moon intentions that aim us into deeper divine connection (Neptune / Pisces) funneled into fully grounded and practical service (Virgo / Mercury). There’s lots of details we’re dealing with now and we need to exercise patience with any delays or obstacles, perform due diligence (especially with research), go with the flow and remain confident that solutions exist. The energies are intense now with Pluto in Capricorn still square Uranus in Aries and Mars in Leo. We want to just bust through all the crap and get on with it, but may get easily irritated by the small stuff which must be dealt with in order to achieve the big stuff. This New Moon initiates a time of hard work that lasts right through into early December, and we must take care to stay calm and centered amidst the intensity which at times may seem dauntingly chaotic. Taking regular time out for R & R, exercise, prayer and meditation is more important than ever.

Autumn is coming. What do you want to bring into your life? Decide what it is and start making your moves! They can be tiny steps, but make them. The hard work G talks about above will pay off – and will also get the ball rolling on the theme for the next 30 days and the next 2.5 years of your life.

Peace and love everybody.

Holly

Taurus New Moon and New Beginnings

The New Moon in Taurus is coming up on Monday, May 18th. I came across this article I wrote for Deer Spirit Reiki News back in 2009 and it still rings true – take some time out to set intentions, Taurus New Moon is fertile.

Springtime New Beginnings – Open Heart, Open Possibilities
by Holly Troy

Namaste ~

It’s the New Moon in Taurus and springtime in the northern hemisphere.Taurus is ruled by the planet Venus, which is associated with love and beauty — and spring is a time of new beginnings, a reconnection with Mother Earth and green things, blossoming flowers, and flowing water. We want to be outside, to enjoy fresh air and the lengthening days, and to daydream.

Now is a wonderful time to connect with the heart center and with the planet. You may feel yourself coming to life after being dormant all winter.It’s a time to start moving and allowing your dreams to take physical shape.

Some good questions to ask yourself:

What have I been longing for?
What have I been putting off for a better time?
What do I dream about?

A great way to know the answers to these questions is to check in with your body. If they are true for you (not a “should” answer, but a real “personal truth”), then it will resonate with your heart, or your 4th chakra.

The 4th chakra is the core of our entire energy system. The French word for heart is coeur, Spanish is corazon – heart comes from the root for core. It is the fulcrum between the material world and the spiritual world. Its element is air, its principle is balance. In order to live, we need to breathe. When we take the time to pay attention to our breath, we invite our bodies to relax and our spirits to gently be known.

The heart is where we discover our emotional nature in relation to ourselves alone. (It is here where we also realize that we, ourselves alone, are really the whole world. As I inhale and exhale, I exchange the air with everything that inhales and exhales — you, animals, plants . . . it gets huge when you think about it) In the big picture, nature is always balancing itself. Bringing it back down to ourselves (knowing that we are connected to everything), we must at some point ask ourselves, “How do I achieve balance in my life?”

big clouds (c) 2014 Holly TroyThe heart takes the passion of the first three chakras and moves it to a place of compassion. It takes raw energy of the spirit and refines it, softens it, gives it an anchor.

Today is a day to make wishes. What would you like to see happen in your life in the next month? In the next year? 5 years? 10 years? It’s time to take stock and put some intentions out there.

While the moon is dark, as it begins to become bright, notice how your life is moving. I love the moon – although it is considered more of a “subconscious” planet, its phases help me to become more conscious and aware of the cycles of my own life, and, how I’d like to navigate those cycles.

When I set goals or intentions, I like to start out way down the road. What do I want in the next 5 or 10 years – no matter what state my life is like today? I like to dream BIG — the bigger the better. So, my dreams may seem impossible, but I have fun with it. Then, taking it to three years, what have I done to move toward that? then 1 year, 6 months, 3 months, 1 month – 1 week. What can I do today? What am I willing to let the universe take care of? I write it out as if everything I’ve ever wanted has already happened – and then, I let it go.

If you are in a place where you feel stuck and can only think of what you don’t want, then make a list of what you don’t want. Then, one by one, next to each item, write out the opposite of what you don’t want, and chances are you’ll be moving toward what you DO want. Check in with your heart — if it’s feeling lighter or larger or warmer or good, you are on the right track! Just by imagining something different for yourself, you’ll feel better.

If you want to make some wishes, hurray! Throw some tobacco in the wind, run and play in the springtime flowers, pour out love, bless everything you see. Give thanks as if you’ve already received everything you’ve ever wanted.

Feel good today and open yourself to feeling good tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow . . .

Blessings,
Holly

self-portrait with blue hat (c) 2015 Holly Troy

Discovering – “The Magic of Asking”

I came across The Magic of Asking – by Truth Warrior. It is timely as we are coming to a New Moon Solar Eclipse on the North Node in Scorpio (check out Anne Ortelee’s Weekly Weather Pocast for the week of October 19th) – a truly magical time for asking and setting intentions.

Most of us want to improve some area of our lives, however at times this can be easier said than done. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. This is very true. Another definition could also be asking the same questions over and over again and expecting a different result.  I was reflecting to myself the other day, on the importance of asking ourselves the right questions.

Truth Warrior has positive suggestion and helpful ideas. To check out the rest of the article and get suggestions on asking effective questions, go here . . . 

Aspen on the Schultz Creek Trail (c) 2014 Holly TroyHave a great day!

Om shanti ~

Holly

Dreaming the Year

I had so many ideas around what I was going to post for the New Year, but in some ways I feel like I already celebrated the New Year on the Winter Solstice. It has been an inward time mostly, since that ritual process on the Winter Solstice that I shared with Sydney. The New Moon in Capricorn on January 1st coupled with our commitment to more deeply study and experience third chakra energy (also known as the solar plexus chakra, which centers on will power, self esteem, the right to act), helped us to clarify actions regarding our Winter Solstice Celebration/Ritual and our sacred sexuality project.

Stepping away from the computer has been a relief in a way as well. Tomorrow I go back to work, where my hours spent on the computer are fixed and often tedious and detail-oriented (the saving grace of my job in graphic production is that my projects have a beginning, a middle, and an end). Just in the last couple of days, after having been away from the computer, I have noticed that my visual awareness has expanded — the best way I can describe it is that it seems like I can actually take more in through my sight. But even more exciting for me, is that I can visualize what I see as art. I live in a beautiful place, there is no doubt about it, but suddenly it seems more vibrant and colorful, and I attribute that to giving my eyes (and mind) a break from the computer.

Working with Sydney has been fantastic. I love deeply exploring topics, and looking at sex and sexuality through the lens of the chakras is no exception. When I reach my limit, when it feels to me like I can go no further, Sydney has a way of nudging me to go a little farther. I get to the point where I kick up swampy mud and I think that is all there is, and with one word, Sydney has us flowing downstream, out of the swamp, and deep into a vast ocean.

I feel really fortunate that Sydney is my friend. I feel like our friendship could not be more perfectly timed.

Sydney Francis's Dreamboard for 2014

Sydney Francis’s Dreamboard for 2014

She explores the depths again with using dream boards. In her post Sacred Timing — The Sun, she writes about her visioning process, and the balance between the active and passive creative process:

Consider this: the dream board making process is both an active and a passive process.  The active part is in putting your conscious dreams and desires on paper, such that you will be moved to take action in the coming year.  The passive part is in listening to and gathering images and putting things you are drawn to also on the dream board—creating a image dialog that you may not know the meaning of yet.  This second part is a mysterious part of the creative process and the action to be taken is of receiving!

Try it! Go through magazines, journals, old calendars, cards, and look for what you are drawn to and compelled by.  Gather the imagery and words and put them together by cutting and pasting them into a collage.  Think about what you want to create in your life for 2014.  But also add stuff that you are attracted to and maybe you don’t know why.  And take your time, I usually develop my dream board for the entire six weeks between Winter Solstice and February 2nd.

I have begun to collect images, and have been thinking about creating a board since the Winter Solstice. I find that there is a push and pull between the desire to internalize ideas and to be alone and creative, and desire and obligation for holiday gatherings and to spend time with loved ones while we are all on holiday. I’m looking forward to making my board (as well as making art).

I like Sydney’s idea of six weeks for building images and dreams, it makes a lot of sense to me. Rather than rushing, allow the energy to be natural and fluid.

Check out more of Sydney’s Dream Board process at Sacred Timing — The Sun.

New Moon (Practical) Magic Phase II – Starting where you are

The next New Moon is in Capricorn on January 1st, 2014. This is the perfect time to talk about phase two of the new moon ritual, since Capricorn is a sign based in practicality, ambition, and duty – and phase two of the ritual has to do with the practical details of putting tiny steps toward your dreams into motion. It’s turning the “I wish” into the “I will”.

Stars Sparkle (c) Holly Troy 2013In the first part of the ritual, we use our imagination and our bodies to release what we don’t want, to reveal what we do want, to envision our lives as if we received exactly what we wanted, and let it go. I have found that with the somatic experience tied into the imagining, the ritual alone creates a powerful shift and focus. (Review the New Moon Magic here).

By reviewing your goals and intentions with the moon cycles, it is easier to stay on track with your progress. I find that as I evolve, it is easier to go through transition while being connected to the moon cycles, which are eternal. Sometimes change, even when it is welcome, can be unnerving, and being connected with nature’s cycles keeps me grounded and connected with, not only my purpose, but with Earth as well.

I am working through the chakras with each moon cycle. Last month, I focused on the second chakra. The second chakra is where we experience the power of relationships, pleasure, sweetness, sexuality, and the desire to create. It is about activating, inviting, and energizing sensuality in our lives. It is our emotional center, and it is linked with water. Water is constantly moving, as are our emotions. The second chakra is also ruled by the moon.

I found that as I wrote out my “three-year success party” I had a lot of gratitude in my life for experiences I have already had. I wanted to include all of those people who have been there in my life – especially my creative life – to my party. That was an amazing, uplifting feeling! And of course, I wanted to include new friends, too. My imagination wanted to integrate the old and the new, which helped me feel grounded and open at the same time.

Boulders in the path (c) 2013 Holly TroyAs the work from the New Moon evolved throughout the waxing and now the waning of the cycle, my intention was to write out the practical next steps from the ritual. But something happened. I found myself feeling stuck – especially in matters pertaining to relationships. I shared this “stuckness”, this inability to imagine things differently, and my friend Terry suggested an open-ended question – a technique she learned from Richard Bartlett.

This, to me, feels like an extension of the moon ritual, almost a mini-ritual for when things seem impossible or doubtful. I would say this is:

New Moon Magic Part 1A (or simply a mind/heart opening exercise that you can do at any time) – The Tool of the Open-Ended Question.

If you find yourself feeling stuck, and focused on a problem, simply ask yourself how it would feel to have what you want.

Start with, “I wonder what it feels like . . . ”

My questions are these:

I wonder what it feels like to be in a reciprocal relationship.
I wonder what it feels like to follow through on my ideas.
I wonder what it feels like to be successful.
I wonder what it feels like to have faith in all that I can create and accomplish.

The interesting thing about asking these questions is that I have had moments, weeks, months, and years of all of these things, so I could put myself in the vibration of the feeling for a minute. Suddenly nothing seems so far out of reach. Like water flowing against a rock, the blockages of self-doubt or frustration seem to slowly dissolve. (I know I will touch back on the “open-ended question” in another post – just for now, try it).

lush (c) Holly Troy 2013This may be enough for you when working with the moon. But sometimes, action is required. For example, If you want to be a singer, you need to actually sing. If you want to be good, you need to practice daily, find a vocal coach, find musicians to play with. If you don’t take action, it’s just a wish. The Moon Magic part of it is to help you focus and maybe even build up the courage to take action.

I was going to say break your three-year success vision all down into doable goals, almost Franklin-Covey style, but I’m a bit in the flow of things right now and breaking it down like that is going to stop my flow – and I love goals and charts and measurable things – I’m a Capricorn after all! I’m finding that working along with the cycles of the moon, I am trusting more and having to control less. Occasionally, though, especially for specific projects, Phase II is useful.

So PHASE II is this:

Break your Three-Year Success Dream into doable steps – they can be the teeniest, tiniest doable steps along your path, or they can be big leaps. Maybe take some small steps to build up your confidence with some hops and pirouettes thrown in. Do it your own way, with your unique style. Do it in a way that is fun and where you are least likely to beat yourself up. Maybe some of those small steps become habit, and once they are established, you reach a turning point. Three years is 1095.75 days. What can you do, see, be? Can you wonder what it feels like to do, see, and be something completely new? Who can you call or enlist to help you on the way? Who and/or what can you let go of? What are 1095.75 steps you can take toward something? Can you enjoy the journey and not worry about the destination?

Start with what you’ve got and where you are. Most importantly, start.

Thanks for reading!

Peace.

Holly