Hallelujah

Flying, swooping, listening to Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah sung by Jeff Buckley while riding in the forest.

sun through the forest (c) 5.2015 Holly Troy

The sunlight shining through the trees was stunning. Through the camera lens, the light took on an almost solid quality.

Light as entity.

Just as I was coming to this place I was here in the song:

. . . your faith was strong/but you needed proof/you saw her bathing on the roof/her beauty in the moonlight overthrew ya/she tied you to a kitchen chair/she broke your throne and she cut your hair/and from your lips she drew the halellujah . . .

I stopped to listen – and that’s when I saw the light.

A Deal With God

Schulz Creek Road and Peak (c) 2015 Holly Troy

I looked up while riding Schulz Creek Road and saw the peaks. I’ve been living out here for almost eight years and I am still in awe of the beauty of this place. To either side of me was single track which I normally ride — I chose the road so I could still get a ride in while nursing an injured leg. The way down though was all swoopy fun on the AZ Trail and Moto before crossing over to Schulz Creek Trail.

To my left I saw Tom riding single track just above me. He is a graceful rider, he makes climbing look effortless. He did not see me. He was focused on the climb. Watching Tom glide and disappear into the forest and the view of the mountains inspired me to pedal faster up that hill.

If there is a God for me, it is Nature.

I started singing this song as I rolled up the hill . . .

Running up that Hill (Deal With God)

From Wikipedia – The song itself has often been misinterpreted. Bush herself has said,

I was trying to say that, really, a man and a woman, can’t understand each other because we are a man and a woman. And if we could actually swap each other’s roles, if we could actually be in each other’s place for a while, I think we’d both be very surprised! [Laughs] And I think it would lead to a greater understanding. And really the only way I could think it could be done was either… you know, I thought a deal with the devil, you know. And I thought, ‘well, no, why not a deal with God!’ You know, because in a way it’s so much more powerful the whole idea of asking God to make a deal with you. You see, for me it is still called “Deal With God”, that was its title. But we were told that if we kept this title that it would not be played in any of the religious countries, Italy wouldn’t play it, France wouldn’t play it, and Australia wouldn’t play it! Ireland wouldn’t play it, and that generally we might get it blacked purely because it had God in the title.[4]

It doesn’t hurt me
Do you want to feel how it feels?
Do you want to know, know that it doesn’t hurt me?
Do you want to hear about the deal that I’m making?
You
It’s you and me

And if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places
Be running up that road
Be running up that hill
Be running up that building
Say, if I only could, oh

You don’t want to hurt me
But see how deep the bullet lies
Unaware I’m tearing you asunder
Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts
Is there so much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don’t we?
You
It’s you and me
It’s you and me, you won’t be unhappy

And if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places
Be running up that road
Be running up that hill
Be running up that building
Say, if I only could, oh

You
It’s you and me
It’s you and me, you won’t be unhappy

Oh come on, baby
Oh come on, darling
Let me steal this moment from you now
Oh come on, angel
Come on, come on, darling
Let’s exchange the experience, oh

And if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places
I’d be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems

Say, if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places
I’d be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems

Say, if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places
And be running up that road
Be running up that hill
With no problems

Say, if I only could
I’d be running up that hill
With no problems

If I only could
I’d be running up that hill
If I only could
I’d be running up that hill

It was . . . so real

Dreaming of my old neighborhood(s) in New York City. Rolling over the past in my sleep, unconsciously in(ter)jecting new thoughts and experiences. In my dreams there is less concrete and more wood. The decay is still abundant.

After all the haze and horror of the 80s, the 90s was a time of hope, even among the rubble. Music, art, creativity, yoga and spirituality merged and emerged from the grayness and dust of the city, of the darkest places. It was like swimming, like falling, in a deep pool of inspiration, so many ageless children diving down and willingly sharing, exchanging, the pearls we’d found at the murky bottom.

It was a time.

I remember Jeff Buckley surfacing.

Born on a Thursday #58 – Fire, Rain, Bicycles

Fire.
So much smoke.
Rain.
Finally.

I almost cried when we went back for one more thing. Mountainaire was eerily still with low-lying smoke. I said, “It is strangely beautiful.” Tom replied, “It would be beautiful if it weren’t so devastating.”

I am tired today.

My friend Anthony says, “This is a good song for today.” I agree, so I am sharing it.

Bjork is beautiful.

Plumes of smoke from the Slide Fire viewed from Bell Rock in Sedona. May 26, 2014.

Plumes of smoke from the Slide Fire viewed from Bell Rock in Sedona. May 26, 2014.

Summer energy is here. Lately I am a bit sporadic with Born on a Thursday posts. I am expecting that trend may continue into autumn. I have been out, enjoying the days, riding, riding, and more riding! I have been learning so much about mountain biking these last couple of months – it’s exhilarating!

I choose to be active right now and explore where my body will take me. Latest and upcoming explorations: cycling, beauty, love, yoga, writing, painting, cooking, friends, music.

Life is good!

Born on a Thursday #53 ~ love sickness, love joy

While walking the dog, I am thinking about all the things I am never going to do again. Every evening, as the the clouds are turning orange, tears:  This is so beautiful and I’m not ever going to watch a sunset with J— again. I’m never going to wake up in the wilderness as the sun is rising and say “good morning”. We will never lie on our backs and look at stars and the moon. No more sweet silence. We will never go as far out as possible together and see things most people won’t. 

pine glow (c) 2014 Holly TroyI do not, cannot stop myself. Grief. My body trembles for weeks. My hands shake and I cannot eat without effort. Who am I? I have to keep walking, that is all I know.

One day I look up and the sky is deep cornflower blue, chalky, like a fresco, and to the west it is pink and orange. The grasses on the mesa, slowly, almost timelessly shifting from gold-pink to pale luminescent violet, finally bleaching out to soft blue-white and then, dark. The air is cool and clean, so pure and fresh that to breathe is soothing. I’m OK. I love this. I love my life this minute. While I’d like to be sharing this moment marveling at the beauty of the world—this is pretty damn good. This is pretty damn good. 

So much beauty in this world. Even in the sadness.

Astro-Love: Stepping through fear

I love Chris Hadfield. I wish he was my uncle or father — I think I will adopt him. I can pretend I was brought up with his beautiful, common-sense approach to fear, to life.

There’s an astronaut saying: In space, “there is no problem so bad that you can’t make it worse.” So how do you deal with the complexity, the sheer pressure, of dealing with dangerous and scary situations? Retired colonel Chris Hadfield paints a vivid portrait of how to be prepared for the worst in space (and life) — and it starts with walking into a spider’s web. Watch for a special space-y performance.

Walking through my own fears, I got to see this the other day.

sun shining in the pines (c) 2014 Holly Troy

Born on a Thursday #46 – Why the Body? II

The idea for Writing the Energetic Body came to me while practicing yoga. At that time, I knew it was imperative that I slow down, pay attention to, and take care of my body. I was healing from a very serious illness that stemmed from continuous stress that was exacerbated by a disastrous marriage and a job that put food on the table but went completely against the grain of who I am. While coming up with rent can sometimes be a challenge; I am still trying to find my way in the world doing what I love – because I don’t have choice.

Movement (yoga, hiking, dancing, walking, biking), meditation, and pranayama (yogic breathing techniques) bring me into the moment and out of my default patterns of thinking. Many ideas come through while I am moving (or in stillness after movement). It is as if a channel opens, as if some of the filters of my mind have been removed and ideas and/or observations are more clear.

I’m continuing to look at the question of movement and art (or movement and writing). My friend and folk artist/musician, TJK Haywood, aka Wooden Thomas (and one of the first participants of Writing the Energetic Body), turned me on to artist Heather Hansen. She literally uses her body to make art. Her work is inspiring and exquisite.

Fluid intuitive movement.

Hypothesis: Moving into the body to write may facilitate fluid, intuitive writing.

Moving the body is enjoyable, and we notice subtle yet powerful details in our experience.

Why not use everything you’ve got available to you?

painting by Heather Hansen

painting by Heather Hansen

What is the movement and texture in and of your life?

Artwork by Heather Hansen.
Film of Heather Hansen by Bryan Tarnowski.

My next Writing the Energetic Body online session begins on March 1, 2014.