From the grief of this year rose gratitude. A deep gratitude for my life, for human connection (however brief), for the bond with light and plants and trees and air, with animals, for the hard work and devotion it takes to get out there into the woods, to push myself up rocks and dirt, to move through fear and frustration and laziness, to move beyond what I thought I could ever do – just to see the next field of grass, sunflower, aspen, to look over the wide expanse of the landscape, its history, the sky and earth, the stars, and say, “wow.”
In Ian MacKenzie’s film, Stephen Jenkinson – The Meaning of Death, Jenkinson asks – “What if meaning is not hidden?”
. . . a lot of people in the world, ancestrally, knew long ago that that being content or that sense of well-being, that’s a consequence of your willingness to help the world live. That your happiness is actually a corollary—let me change happiness—that your health is a corollary of the health of everything around you.
. . . We use the word crisis to describe something that shouldn’t be or shouldn’t happen. I’m using the word to say the crisis is determined by our unwillingness to know it, that’s what makes it critical. But the world dies to keep us alive. Fortunately not all the world at the same time, at least so far. We’ll see. Or maybe we won’t see.
Grief is the willingness to be claimed by a story bigger than the one you wish for.
What a revolutionary proposition to realize that your heartbrokenness turns out to be the key to your willingness to remember what it takes to be a human being.
Relationships excite me and baffle me at the same time. Sometimes I feel like I am swimming in the most luxurious pool, completely relaxed and surrendered to feeling immense pleasure and bliss—and the next minute realizing that what I thought was a dive into deep waters turns out to be the shallow end and I am about to be very hurt when I crash at the bottom. I often don’t know which end is up and I keep thinking I am going to get it right, while at the same time trying to convince myself there is no right or wrong.
Studying, writing, working on/with Svadhistana (2nd Chakra) right now. Svadhistana issues are relationships, pleasure, creativity, finances, personal ethics and the right to feel. Of course, at the same time, a lot of those issues are kicked up in my life right now (uncomfortably). I want to detach, and yet, I don’t want to detach. I want to be fully embodied in my experiences. I like pushing my own boundaries, and have been a bit too comfortable with being uncomfortable (accepting stuff that makes me feel unhappy, frustrated, annoyed, demoralized for too long – it’s dishonest, and it blocks love and creativity). Too many externals have been feeling like a dead end right now, feelings deadened, and I need to make a shift before I internalize it.
I know it all starts with breathing, gratitude, and letting go of what cannot be changed. And feeling, and moving, and letting the feelings move, and taking action—even if they are tiny.
A few strokes in a new direction and I know the water will be just fine.
“For a Yogi, nothing is impossible. If something seems impossible, turn it to something difficult. From difficult to something easy. From something easy, to Realization.” Swami Vishnu-devananda
I was thinking about my friend and teacher Geordie today. If you are in NYC, I highly recommend you check out his reiki circle on Monday nights at the Madison Wellness Center! He also volunteers his time for those in recovery from addictions at Third Root Health Center in Brooklyn.
I’m having another astrological reading with him coming up! It’s been a while . . .
Holly Troy – Reiki Master Teacher graduate Geordie, your astrological reading rocked my world! I cannot express the gratitude I have for such a thorough, spiritual,intuitive and concise exchange of time and energy. I felt as if my my very soul was finally understood. What joy to be in the presence of non-judgement!
By the time my reading with Geordie was over, I new I’d had a transcendental experience. The understanding that I needed so badly gave me the courage to take my life to the next level (and the next and the next). I am fulfilling my destiny as well as guiding it. Geordie is the real deal–and so are we all!
Holly Troy – Reiki Master Teacher graduate
I am forever grateful for the teachings I received from Geordie. Last year I made the intention of becoming a reiki master after I met Geordie and experienced his clear, loving reiki energy. His enthusiasm for reiki flows into everything he does. We talked for a few months about reiki and the master level before I was actually ready to begin. Once the journey of the Masterwork began, I experienced intense healing. We had a few reiki exchanges which were very powerful for me. Actually learning how to give attunements was incredibly joyful and I got to practice on Geordie several times. All I need to do is think about that experience and the energy starts flowing through my arms and hands. I feel confident in my abilities as a reiki practitioner and look forward to teaching it myself.
When Geordie gives reiki, he just sets the intention and the entire room is amped with reiki energy. One of the last times I received a treatment from him I could see black psychic cords unplugging from my back–thousands of them. Some came back as soon as they were unplugged, but he kept working there and they kept leaving me. I believe the lightness I feel in my life today is partly due to that deep letting go that Geordie helped me with. In the same session, he also focused energy on my jaw. He did not know that I had suffered from an infected tooth for six months earlier that year–some of the time I had to be on powerful pain killers. Liquid in my ear began to move and he seemed to pull repressed pain right out of my jaw! Geordie has been a witness to, and a participant in, major healings in my life.
Truly, my last year in NY was intense! Divorce, living in my friend’s basement during the separation, and a really depressing corporate job took their toll on my emotional and physical health. Geordie really was/is a light in my life (then and now).
Last year I met up with him in Peru and we participated in a reiki and acupuncture clinic in a village in the Amazon. I haven’t seen G since that journey.
Holiday Message from Sivananda Ashram, Grass Valley
How I am doing?
The end of the year brings many thoughts, feelings, and confusion as we inevitably look back on our accomplishments, failures and successes, anticipate family reunions, expecting love and appreciation, and giving love and appreciation to all through gifts and comforts. It is a stressful time at best. (editor’s interjection: Wow! stressful at best?) What will be the criteria to appreciate our journey? Here are some helpful hints:
Instead of asking ourselves if we have accomplished this and that external goal, ask if we have come closer to our contented and self-sufficient Self.
Instead of counting our list of desires and ticking off the list if we have fulfilled them or not, appreciate our growth when the inner voice becomes louder and said: I have everything I need.
Instead of feeling bad, looking back at our relationships with resentments, expectations, ask yourself: how much have I forgiven, how much has my heart open this year compared to last?
Instead of running around purchasing gifts at all costs, pause a moment and think of how to really give of yourself to the other, the gift of real care and unconditional support.
Instead of worrying about financial security and scarcity, take time to appreciate the abundance of the grace of God in your life, how Mother Nature graces you with all things to support life, and how marvelous and secure it is to be alive in spirit.
Instead of thinking of how to entertain ourselves and having a fun time during the holidays, think of having a genuine good time recharging yourself in a Yoga vacations, give back to the body and mind.
Instead of socializing just for the sake of it, rejoice in calm, meaningful, quality company with yourself and with heartful friends.
Instead of worrying about oneself and what we do not have, get out of yourself and do a charitable act.