Mind’s Eye moving forward and looking back . . .

Another blast from the past.

07.01.1995

St Marks Church Graveyard on 11th Street

I sat down to eat and almost caused an accident. There are a lot of hookers right here and a man who was driving thought that I was “working” and stopped driving his car in the middle of the street. I shook my head, “no,” but it took him a while to get it. All these cars were backed up behind him, honking their horns.

Across the street I see a girl in a black t-shirt and leather dress. She is walking up and down the street as if the gravity of the earth is too much for her. She looks really young, too. A big pink bow is in her hair and she’s sucking a lollipop. Her movements are slow and at the same time jerky. She has that classic heroin/cocaine way of jolting her neck around.

Why do I come here and watch this? Why do I come here and write about it? Maybe it’s a way of helping me stay sober. I remember that feeling of the gravity. I was really dying. I couldn’t stand up straight. Perhaps I remember it so well today because I haven’t had much sleep for the past week. Last night I slept for 5 hours. I have gut rot and brain deadness.

My dreams were fragmented. I see Kate, flashes of Al. It’s like I dreamed the Mind’s Eye, tried to assimilate it.

There are some pretty scary men giving me the eye in this park. I feel like I should belong in a zoo. I’m glad there are iron bars between us.

Tom said I can take damaged stuff, but Lou makes me sneak it out and I think it’s making me look like a thief. It’s so obvious that I’m taking stuff. I wonder what Dan thinks. He looks at me with lemon peel eyes.

I used to work at an art supply store. My manager used to save damaged goods for poor artists. I scored when the packaging for paints changed! Wow. Do you know how expensive cadmium red is? Dan was Tom’s strange brother and I don’t recall Lou at all.

Oh yeah, Kate played bass in my band for a short time, and Al was a partner in a record company that wanted to sign us. WE ended up becoming friends. 9.16.2009