Squeezing Time and Letting Go

When I ride I get clarity on things. Last night it became clear to me that I am afraid that if I have a career as an artist (and/or writer), I will not be able to maintain a love relationship. That fear has got to go! For me, career is part of my identity. Since last spring, I’ve stopped pushing creative work; I’ve been reevaluating what is important to me. Mostly, I’d rather cook and enjoy a shared meal, or stay in bed lying close to my man, than carve out the time for art. It’s been good to relax, though sometimes I feel like I’ve found myself in the middle of deep water with no land in sight. Maybe I am overfilling the well!

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Blue Haze, Neon and Earl Grey (or Dreaming Rock-n-Roll)

I dreamed I was in a band last night. It’s been almost ten years since I’ve been on stage. I miss it a lot. I like group creative projects – I often need something larger than myself to continue, to finish work, and the group is more than “just me”. The dynamic is exhilarating, usually fun, sometimes frustrating – rarely boring. Though I haven’t been making music, I have been in a collaborative project for months now, and it is informing my solitary work in a good way (I’m painting again), and I am waking up with the desire to create almost over all else.

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