i think that’s about the only way i can describe being able to do this. i left nyc after a failed marriage and a dead-end career and made the decision that i was going to notice what i love and strive to accept it and believe that i was worth experiencing it.
even when i was being interviewed for my current job, someone asked me what i wanted to do with my life, and my answer was “be present”. without love, i could not be present. when i was unhappy with my life in ny, i was constantly telling myself, “it will get better. just 6 more months, or 2 more days, etc.” that was with my job and i don’t know how i was getting through my marriage. i realized i was running out of tomorrows, i mean, the hope of tomorrows being anything different than my miserable present.
so, yeah, everyday is different now. there’s always some new little adventures in store, whether it’s a bike ride or a hike, or a day spent reading, doing yoga, knittng or making love. when i started noticing what i love, doors started opening up. not to say that everyday i’m jumping around like it’s christmas, sometimes i still get the blues, but i have the resources to nuture myself.
i’ve made friends with myself and some loving people, too.