I woke up this morning perhaps at 4:00 am. Then again at 5:20 am, when my alarm went off. Then, at 5:40, when it rang again. I wasn’t sure if I had slept at all, but I kept waking from dreams, and the 20 minutes between alarms felt like three.
I took a shower and was grateful for heat and hot water. I realized that I am what feels like being on the edge of civilization. I am alone.
I don’t like being cold at all, not even chilly. For some it’s refreshing, for me, it hurts. Just plain deep. Marrow.
I keep thinking I should be able to do this, being alone, after all, I am a yoga teacher and yogis are supposed to spend time alone meditating. I’ve never been good with “shoulds”. I like discipline, so I tell myself it’ll be fun. Embracing loneliness.
I want to ride my bicycle around the country – I’ve been saying this for about a decade now. Things are so weird in the world that this year might just be the time to do it. Watching the water go down the drain – riding will be a long meditation. The idea is one thing; the actuality is another.
Could I stand it?