I did the initial map up of this piece on the canvas, and I really liked it. But when I painted it, I didn’t like it at all. It’s better as a drawing.

So I went back in today, and I destroyed it. I destroyed the original painting and began something else.

I often do this when I paint. It’s part of my process: I create, destroy, and create again, (and sometimes destroy and create again and again on the same painting). There’s power in the destruction. There’s power in changing something so drastically that it has no choice but to go somewhere — I have no choice but to relax and play with whatever’s next because the thing that was too precious is now gone.

And something new has taken its place and the creativity can really thrive. And that’s just how it is.

I am glad I can act on the urge to take apart and rebuild what is not right for me with art, with writing, with music. It can be scary; it’s usually scary. But then, all of a sudden, it comes over me to say, “wouldn’t it feel good to say ‘F— it?’”

And I do. Often. And sometimes when I do it’s scarier than before, but at least I’m not stuck anymore.

The original idea is still there, it’s now a layer in the history of what this painting will become. Even though the first colors are no longer seen, I love how the initial texture comes through the next coat of paint. Evidence of shape and line are still there.

As the painting builds, nibbles of the beginning remain.

Currently:
decidedly undecided/unknown
oil on canvas
20″ x 20″

I’m looking forward to seeing where this will go!

What are you making or breaking today?

Peace,

Holly

July 17, 2024
Hudson Valley, New York