Born on a Thursday #51 – Grief. Loss. Winter.

I also want to get a good camera and get into the woods and take photos. I need to buy some equipment (both photography and camping gear and probably, eventually, gulp, a vehicle).

This last month has been really freakin’ hard. Between friends dying, the death of two major relationships, and the possible blasting apart of a major project, I’ve been shaken and literally shaky. Despite yoga and meditation and walking the dog everyday, my stomach has been in knots and I’ve been having a hard time eating. I’m not liking all this change – I feel like I am in free fall and am having a hard time letting go. My nervous system is fried.

Grief. Loss. Winter.

This Thursday, I finally got sick. I missed the blog – and – I missed Amy Goodman from Democracy Now! speaking at Northern Arizona University.

Today, I’m still feeling queasy and exhausted, but doing my best to be active and in the sunshine. I walked into town today to buy supplies for soup – not sure if that was the best idea (8 miles or so) – but I couldn’t stay in the house.

I used to say – When in doubt, get an education. So, I’ve been thinking about an MFA for a while, it’s time to start applying – here in AZ, and outside of the state, too. I am hurting for intellectual discourse and stimulation – and my job (though I like everyone I work with) certainly isn’t providing it.

om mountain (c) 2014 Holly TroyDo I get an MFA or do I take courses from Animas Valley Institute? With the MFA, I’d probably be stuck inside much of the time. WIth Animas Valley, I’d be outdoors most of the time. Is the degree worth it? What about spending time in nature before it’s gone?

I also want to get a good camera and get into the woods and take photos. I need to buy some equipment (both photography and camping gear and probably, eventually, gulp, a vehicle).

Do I spend a month or so on an ashram?

All require money – though it’s easier to acquire money when there is an end result in mind.

At any rate, I need to do something very different from what I have been doing – or at least that’s how I feel right now.

Speaking of education – check out this video of Noam Chomsky at the University of Arizona:

A little Chomsky in the morning has me thinking all afternoon.

Here are some links to Amy Goodman doing Democracy Now! from Flagstaff, AZ.

A Slow Genocide of the People

Caught in the Crossfire

Utah’s Carbon Bomb

Thanks for reading.

Om shanti – Holly

  1. Hi Holly — Maybe it’s a good time to turn your attention away from external turmoil and massive projects to and focus on small joyful moments. Give yourself a rest and heal.
    See the Peaceful Daily message of the day below:
    Harness Joy
    You might feel like you’re swimming when you’d rather be running. That’s a good thing. This is no time to rush or push yourself.

    Mercury, our swift moving planet of communication sails into dreamy Pisces today, and will stay there until April 7th. When this planet of the mind is in watery spiritual Pisces, it’s easy for your mind to drift. You might not want to focus on work, planning, goals or tangible tasks. Instead, you might want to fantasize about what life can be.

    Let your imagination roam free. As you immerse yourself in the images of what life feels like when you’re free and fabulous, you’re bathing your body in a swirl of color and positive energy. Allow yourself to fantasize about all the wonderful things you wish experience and by doing so, you’ve created it.

    Your mind has power. Harness it for joy.

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    1. Hi Anne!

      Yes, thank you. This is exactly what I feel like I need to be doing now. Often one minute at a time . . . this time is shaping the next phase of my life. I want to come out a better person for it.

      I hope you are well. 🙂

      Holly

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  2. So sorry life is being rough… but you describe some amazing choices ahead of you! Good luck.
    James.

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    1. Thanks, James! Yes, something about things falling apart to give a vision of what is next. Namaste.

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  3. I know you draw and paint . . . What works for me? Paper and whatever mark making instrument I have in the house. I don’t think, just do. Close my eyes. Scratch, scribble, splash, do fifteen in an hour. Tear them up, scramble the pieces and tape those together. Do another fifteen, and another and another. I tape them all up on the wall, and go for a walk. When I come back I take them down throw them away, then take a nap. Be well. c

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    1. Thanks, Charles! I plan to paint this week – and a little physical mark making I believe will help. Scramble therapy sounds good – rather make chaos in my creative process, not my life.

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