With my birthday coming up on Christmas Eve, I often find myself in the spotlight when I would rather be meditative and spending time alone or in nature. This year, I had three gigs in one week and then got on a plane and flew to Florida to visit my partner’s family for the holidays. Pretty much the only time I have had alone in the last week is when I have been in the bathroom.
So many important dates pile up during the holidays that require acknowledgement from me, and often I find myself unable to give the time I would like. This year is no exception. Cosmically, this is a super-potent time. There is Solstice, my Solar Return, and the New Moon on Christmas.
On December 21st, the day of the Winter Solstice, I went to the beach. I decided my ritual would be writing a message in the sand (earth) that eventually the tide would wash away – carrying the intention out into the ocean (water). Since all of the world’s oceans are connected, the energy of my objective will travel around the globe. The sun (fire) creates heat when it shines on the water, causing evaporation (air) and eventually clouds, which rain back down to earth. And the wheel keeps on turning.
I have a lot of specific intentions – but this one encompasses most of them: I easily find myself financially free through art, music, teaching, writing, tarot and other joyful ways – for the highest good of all!
I have spent the last couple of years being very intentional with my time, and the last few months since I quit my job even more so. With the holidays and travel, my sleep pattern is flip-flopped, going to bed very late and getting up at 10 or 11 am rather than 5 am – I feel a little like I am in limbo. A theme of my life has been “waiting until . . . I grow up/move out/graduate from college/get out of work/quit my job – fill n the blank.”
As I write this, even though it is only for a couple of weeks, I realize I want more control over my time, despite the holidays and group schedules. I also must add, I am really grateful for the time to celebrate – I must remember that the celebration with family and friends is, of course, part of the ritual.
Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?