Born on a Thursday #22 – What do I know?

bryce canyon right before rainSo yeah – I was on vacation last week. And this is the first vacation that I have had in years. I didn’t go very far – but I had a journey that was intensely breath-taking, soul-touching, and heart-opening. I’m seeing aspects of my life from a new perspective, and have shifted ideas on surrender (which I am sure I will be writing about soon enough).  Isn’t new vision what successful holidays are about?

Today is a free write. The topic is from Natalie Goldberg. Her assignment: Tell me everything you know for sure about your life. 

I know for sure I have to move my body in order to keep from getting lost in my mind. I know for sure that my mind will take me down if I let it, so I might as well keep on moving – kicking and screaming and fucking and dancing and laughing and tasting and touching.

I know that writing is torturous and sublime. I know for sure when it feels right, my heart can race and I break into a sweat.

I know that I have loved and hated living in a small mountain town – but am past the half-way mark to living here a decade, and that twenty years in New York City was enough. I realize now that I can’t imagine living in the city again – although for a few moments a few months ago, I did imagine it with ardor.

I know for sure I need to figure out how to keep moving in the winter.

I know I need beauty and fresh air and birds singing and to stop looking at the fucking internet. I want to remember life before the internet, life before wifi – old school – payphones. I don’t miss payphones. Once I actually got a cell phone, my bouts of colds and flus pretty much dropped to none. I remember grabbing a payphone and getting slime on my hands. Fuck public phones – but I do love public transportation when it is not rush hour. What I love more is riding my bicycle wherever I need to go.

I know for sure I love my bicycle. It keeps me moving.

I know I need the earth, to experience my physicality as much as possible everyday. I know that after 20 years of looking hard for beauty, and often finding it (with gratitude!) in the smallest cracks in the sidewalk – I don’t want to look that hard anymore.

I know for sure that I want to have fun, but I don’t want to play games – unless they are volleyball or hockey or scrabble.

I know for sure that I love sex, really good sex, and that I will not put up with bad sex – or be in a relationship with scarce sex or no sex. Fuck that.

I know for sure that I can see bullshit coming from miles away but that I don’t always dodge it very well.

I know I like to press my tongue on smooth stones. I am repulsed and fascinated by the chalky spongy sensation of my tongue’s moisture being sucked out.

I know that I say I want to be near the beach but I keep staying in the high desert because I like to choose when I am around lots of people. I know I need to visit the ocean soon. I have no idea if I will get to the beach when I visit New York – I’m getting the feeling that water is going to be a west coast experience from now on.

I know that I like to see softness in things that are hard. I know that I am glad to be a woman, that I love having the body that I have even though I am not always satisfied with it.

What do I know for sure? I know for sure that I couldn’t have said no to save my life.

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I'm a rock-n-roller poet who left the Big Apple for the Big Sky Desert where I've been letting it be and grooving with universal love, singing to the gods, dancing with the muses and bicycling with dreamtime messengers. I like altering my reality through imagination, movement, breath, and makin' stuff.

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