If I weren’t afraid vs. If money were no issue

I confess, “If I weren’t afraid, I’d make money doing what I love.” I am willing to explore and take new actions toward creating income through my creative work, and am especially committed to my sacred sexuality project with Sydney Francis. I am committed to sharing my knowledge of somatics, creativity and the creative process (especially in writing, the visual arts and sound), ritual, and play. I am willing to explore and experiment, with an open heart and spirit toward gratitude and abundance in all its forms.

At the beginning of the month, I posted 30-Day Challenge – If I Weren’t Afraid. Basically, the post was a challenge to look in the mirror and finish the phrase, “If I weren’t afraid . . . ” over and over again for three minutes, then choose one of the things that you said you would do if you weren’t afraid and do it.

Immediately, someone asked me, “Shouldn’t the question be – If I weren’t broke I’d . . .” A few days later, a dear friend of mine messaged me with this, I do challenge you to really answer the question ‘if money were no issue…’ cause though what you said is good and true, there is also a huge Holly Vanidevi that I know who might have some more creative answers to this.

I have thought about this for weeks. To repeat over and over again, “If I weren’t broke . . . ” is an affirmation to being poor, which is then an obstacle the mind has to get over before it can make an intuitive leap to what it really wants to do. It can be a defeat before you even get anywhere. (Believe me, when you are trying to figure out how to afford a can of beans, it is really hard to imagine all the great things you can do when you are starving).

Might as well go back to bed . . . 

look yourself in the eye (c) 2013 Holly TroyThe point of saying, if I weren’t afraid . . .  is to check in with your spirit, to get past your private fears, maybe to admit things that you want for yourself that you may be afraid to admit, or perhaps weren’t aware of. Admitting fear is intensely personal – it brings us to ourselves very quickly. For instance, you may realize you are afraid of losing your job even though if you weren’t afraid, you’d quit your job. Or you may be afraid of being single, but, if you weren’t afraid, you’d get a divorce. Once you shine light on your fears, you get to know yourself a little better, and can decide whether or not you want to take action.

Repeating “if money were no issue . . .” is not checking in with your personal energy system, but the system society has put in place in which to rate your deservedness of the things or experiences you wish to have.  It’s looking outside of yourself, and what you think you deserve based on a society that is, economically and ecologically, an insane system to begin with. To run your energy circuits through the money system first, before going to your gut and heart, is giving all of your power over to something that is set up against most of us to begin with. We just find ourselves wishing for money, while life itself is passing by. 

It’s also holding onto the belief that, “Someday, I’ll be rich (and when I’m rich I’ll do this and that, but until then . . .)”  Most likely, if you weren’t born into wealth, you probably won’t become rich. For instance, women still make less money than men in the United States, and for single women there is an even bigger gap. Frankly, money often is an issue.

I would love to have more money. And I would love to make money doing what I love. I could say my life would be easier had I more money, but that depends on how I come about the money. I used to work at an investment bank, and I made about 5 times more money than I make now – but – I was miserable on a daily basis. Though, if I were any more poor than I am now, I would also be quite miserable. It takes some balancing, and I am on a very thin edge financially.

Boy oh freakin’ boy, if those aren’t some money issues for my mind to be affirming and then stepping around daily!

Getting back to the phrase, If I weren’t afraid . . .  Below are a few examples of my experience with it.

First of all, using the phrase is an experiment. I’m all for experiments. I used this phrase last year while I was in a very dark place, and it helped me to move out of the darkness (and Phoenix – thankfully). As things got better for me, I simply forgot about the phrase and moved on with my life. I was recently reminded of the exercise, was happy with my results, and thought I’d share it with my readers.

As I have been saying to myself – “If I weren’t afraid I would . . .” my responses have been emotional and honest. In my original post, I mentioned a permaculture garden in my example. Over this month, I realize that I have a fear about making a commitment to being in a particular place – and a garden, particularly a permaculture garden, requires time and experimentation and commitment for it to really come to fruition. That is something I learned about myself. What is the worst that could happen? I grow a successful garden and leave it behind for someone else to nurture? I can think of several people who would love to take over a thriving permaculture garden. 

Also, I often found myself saying things like, “If I weren’t afraid, I’d say how I really feel.” And so, I began expressing my feelings more this past month – especially when I am feeling good feelings like love and happiness. I was holding those feelings back for fear of rejection, but holding the good feelings in was making me feel sad. As I let go of being afraid, I let go of the outcome, and now my feelings are flowing much more easily and my relationships are opening up rather than shutting down. Plus, I feel like I am surrounded by people I love and who love me. Bonus!!

I confess, “If I weren’t afraid, I’d make money doing what I love.” I am willing to explore and take new actions toward creating income through my creative work, and am especially committed to my sacred sexuality project with Sydney Francis. I am committed to sharing my knowledge of somatics, creativity and the creative process (especially in writing, the visual arts and sound), ritual, and play. I am willing to explore and experiment, with an open heart and spirit toward gratitude and abundance in all its forms.

Lee's Ferry in Winter (c) 2014 Holly TroyOne of the big things for me – a city girl who moved to the country – is spending more time outside and connecting with nature. Since the new year – I’ve been camping TWICE!! Outside. In the winter. That’s huge and very exciting for me. It is adventurous, expansive, and glorious! if I weren’t afraid, I’d become a National Geographic photographer! (From punk rocker chick to nature photographer – how’s that for a leap)?

If I weren’t afraid vs. if money were no issue? Perhaps the middle-ground phrase is, “As I recognize my abundance I . . . “

    1. I like Eisenstein’s ideas – he offers plausible solutions. I like Derrick Jensen, too, though his view can seem far more bleak than Eisenstein’s.

      Thanks for sharing this article.

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  1. Holly,

    Thanks for posting this. I have been doing the 30 day challenge but I missed the part about choosing something and doing it. It’s already naturally happening, but thanks for the reminder. I do want to consciously choose to do something I fear.

    I also just started meeting some resistance around day 20. I put a little note on my bathroom mirror “if I weren’t so afraid I’d…” and I usually do it first thing, but I “forgot”, then I kept going into the bathroom and saying “oh crap, I still hotta do that.” and kept putting it off. When I finally got around to it, it was the mist emotional and revealing affirmations of all.

    I like to think of myself as courageous and fearless. I can be sometimes. Bit I’m surprised to see how strong fear is and it is really time to move passed it.

    With the “if money weren’t an issue, I’d…”, I didn’t realize that I was suggesting a 30 run with that phrase. (although I may try it out next). I actually find this phrase helpful to get in touch with my biggest dreams and my truest sense of myself. Of course it brings up the challenges of money both personal and social, but that is part of it too. I like to have a sense of freedom and bigness, even if it’s just for the feeling of liberation, but I think it also expresses something of who I am.

    For example if money was not an issue I would sail around the world with a group of friends. I wallow in the fact that I may never have this vision fulfilled, or I can say what about this can I manifest today. Maybe my soul wants to travel and be with friends. I could make more plans with friends and go on some affordable adventures. I could organize a hiking trip, or maybe go sailing for a day with friends.

    Ultimately, these are the same exercise in a sense. It’s just that “money” holds more fear fir most of us. And while the concept of “enough” is a good thing, I think being aware of the habit of spirituality that makes money evil is important to acknowledge and guard against.

    Maybe the deeper question is how spiritual is my relationship to money, or what can I do to make money sacred. The word wealth comes from the same root as the words health and whole. Ooh maybe the question is what can I do to remember that am whole.

    Thanks again for the 30 day fear challenge and this post.

    Lot’s of love,
    Chris

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    1. Chris – that’s beautiful!! Isn’t is amazing that we just get so much resistance right before something amazing happens. Right before an emotional wall comes tumbling down?

      I started this challenge just as I began doing deep work with the 3rd chakra and sexuality. I’ve been following the moon cycles with the chakra work. We are at the last quarter – release phase. Ha! Wouldn’t you know, I catch the stomach flu. I figured since I was already “physically” releasing – I started saying to myself, “Release what no longer works . . . let go . . . ” and the stomach part of things got easier.

      I thought a lot about the question of money – I agree with not making money evil – I didn’t want to get caught up in the wallowing of not having as well. I must examine my relationship to money, too, but it brings up different kinds of fears for me. Also, one of the things that always comes up is – If money were no issue, I’d give it to my friends who need it. (If I get rich, maybe I can help fund your sailing adventure!!)

      I am looking deeply at sex and spirituality – another big taboo in our culture.

      I like “What can I do to remember than I am whole .. . ”

      I have no problem doing crazy adventures (as you know) – I go off on many of my adventures half-cocked. It’s when the dust settles and I am sitting with my feelings that I am most afraid.

      Thanks for getting me thinking – that’s one of the things I love so much about you!!

      Love!

      Holly

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