Did he just say that? Yes, Yes he did.

Trigger Warning: political point of view

I don’t look at the news every day. I often don’t have the time for it, and, frankly, these last four years, the news has been exhausting on emotional, mental, and physical levels. When Trump won the election in 2016, I was astonished. I was sad and triggered and queasy. I felt that half the people in the country who voted hate women — not because Hilary didn’t win, but because it was okay that he could be caught being disgusting and dismissive and abusive with women and his supporters didn’t care.

The day after it was announced he won, my community was also in shock. I remember how quiet town was, people walking around stunned, some people crying. I saw a co-worker on the street and we hugged and cried. My boyfriend at the time tried to convince his ex-wife to go with him and their children to Canada. It was a shit show.

To cope, I wrote American Sentence – 108 Days of 17-Syllable Sentences. I’m into yoga, and there are 108 beads on a mala necklace. Using the magic number of the mala, I thought I could use this horror combined with creativity and write 108 poems as a meditation on humanity. I really thought that no matter what was happening in the political world, I could still embrace small moments, take notice, remember and record what makes us all human.

Since then, I

• ditched the boyfriend who wanted to move to Canada with his ex-wife;
• lived alone in a tiny apartment for over two years – it was all angles and weird slopes above a garage (my actual living space was about 100 square feet – though I had some room in the garage – and I used that for a place to hang my clothes and paint);
• had a visit from my mom and aunt in 2018 – Mom’s health had markedly declined since last I saw her;
• moved into this house where Paul and his roommate were living in 2019 – suddenly I went from living alone to living with people and animals;
• began playing with the Lofi Sofias in April 2019;
• saw Mom again in 2019, her condition worsened but she seemed really happy, we had a lot of laughs;
• quit my job at the university after a) being rejected twice by HR for a raise and promotion that would pay me for the job I was actually doing, and b) dealing with a hostile co-worker who was jealous my boss gave me an office with a door to try to make up for my crappy pay;
• realized I could likely make at least as much money as I was being paid at my day job – with the possibility of making even more – doing what I love. I entered the world of self-employment as a musician, painter, workshop leader, yoga teacher, and tarot and astro reader;
• lost all my gigs since Covid- though I sometimes have success doing things online and selling art; and,
• have terribly missed hugs.

All very human things. Enough to make my head spin on a personal level.

On the world stage – Holy Hell! Without Covid even, it’s been crazy. These last four years, have been a deluge of lies, threats, denial(s), and incitement of violence from the president – and (vomit), his awful children do the same damn thing.

And he gets away with it.

I was saying – I don’t look at the news everyday. I just can’t.

Of course, yesterday, there was Georgia to know about! Happy news! Dems have control of the house and senate.

But then the trauma of violence! A mob of Trump-supporters storming the Capitol Building while Congress was certifying the victory of President-elect Joe Biden. With the president’s encouragement, of course.

Today, I watched a little more. I am exhausted. I just really want to see him gone. And now that he is leaving, I feel like I did when he entered — astonished and sad and triggered and queasy. I have a feeling the world’s biggest sore loser is not finished with his temper tantrum.

This day has been eggshells and tight shoulders.

It will not do.

January 8, 2021
12:29 am
Flagstaff, AZ