My life changed dramatically late summer last year, 2021. And it continues to evolve and change – sometimes I feel like I have settled down, but really, things are just beginning.
I moved to New York last fall, partly to start over and partly to help give care for my mom.
Before that, I decided in 2019 to be a full-time artist/musician/teacher. Since September 2019 I have not worked for anyone but myself.
Six months after moving to New York – reestablishing relationships and starting new ones, navigating my family, starting new music projects – I finally set up a space to paint. I’m not exactly sure how I have managed to pay my bills, etc., without regular work – but I have done it. I barely worked, I barely painted, and so far, music is costing me money . . . I am somehow moving forward. Perhaps imperfectly, but I am doing it as best I can.
I am mostly figuring out how to live all over again. And helping my mom takes a lot of time and energy. Some days are easy, some days I feel crushed – overall – I’m doing my best.
Money! I have lot of trust in my relationship with money! It’s an interesting dance right now.
Anyway! I promised myself I would show my painting process (I love to share this stuff – I love process) – after I finish my paintings. When I show my work as I am doing it, people start suggesting to me how I should finish my paintings – and I really don’t like that. There is a time with every piece where I feel incredibly vulnerable – and I don’t need to second-guess myself.
This time – I was so excited to be painting – I forgot my promise. I was showing the work as it happened. And lo and behold! People started telling me – “I think it’s done!” and “Maybe you should use this color . . .” and “make sure you yadda yadda yadda . . . ” (Really I wanna say – “You think it’s done? Great! Two grand and it’s yours . . . “)
Art-making is the one thing in my entire life where I have felt like I had the authority to do my thing without anyone’s opinion. I don’t want to open the door for second-guessing myself. Or to get annoyed.
I just wanna open to something bigger than myself and let it come through. I’ve been doing that ever since I could hold a pencil.
Remains of the Southwest
At the beginning of May I sold two paintings! I had just come off a retreat and was in Arizona for a couple of days, and most of my work is still out there. I assessed my work, made a video about it, and boom! Two sold. I have three pieces left out there, and two in the works.
My initial plan was to pick up the rest of my work and all my property after the retreat, get a rental van and drive it all back east. And, plans changed. Travel and shipping has become very costly, so I’m trusting an answer will come to me when the time is right.