It’s been a little over a year since my mom died. I spoke with a grief counselor this morning – for the first time since mom died.

The paperwork I filled out said this: “Grief is a natural human response to loss. There are many signs of grief. They may include intense feelings of sadness, fear, and anger; physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, fatigue, changes in eating, and sleeping patterns; and behavioral changes such as withdrawal and absent- mindedness. Although they are expected responses to grief, they can be overwhelming and confusing . . . Although it can be very intense, grief is not a mental illness.”

It’s not all about my mom. I feel like I have been grieving since 2016.

The hardest thing about how I’ve been feeling is the sense of not being able to imagine my future. The counselor said – “you are exhausted.”

I realize, too, making art for me is sort of creating the future – I imagine something then I make it. As I make – the work takes on a life of its own. Slowly the ability is coming back, but my energy is low.

Talking about it helped. The counselor is right. I’m exhausted. It’s ok.

I’m curious to see how this unfolds.

October 13, 2025
Last Quarter Moon Cancer 17°07’
Hudson Valley, NY

image: after the aries full moon © holly troy 2025