Born on a Thursday #30: Auras

migraine sunset (c) 2013 Holly TroyI’ve had the trippy experience today of almost having a full-on migraine but catching it before it got debilitating. I started seeing an aura around 2:00 this afternoon (c-shape in my field of vision with flashes of rainbow-colored light, which made it difficult to actually see for a while). I had an appointment downtown, so instead of lying down, I walked the couple of miles to town, got to the store and bought some generic Exedrin®. My entire sensory experience was otherwordly, colors and sounds seemed intensified. It wasn’t unenjoyable actually, but I wouldn’t want to be like this everyday – and of course there was the thought in the back of my mind, “Gee, it would really suck if this was a stroke.”

Right now I feel sort of fragmented, and am a little head-achey. More tired and stiff than anything, and my hands are a little shaky. I get migraines about once every five or six years, and when they are full-on, I am wasted with nausea. So, I’m glad I’m pretty much just tired and sore.

On the walk home I was thinking about September 11th. I found these poems I wrote about it. Looks like I was having a hard time “digesting” the situation. They are both experiments in formal poetic styles, perhaps some unconscious attempt at controlling the chaos I was feeling.

Wish I Were the Earth

Wish I were the earth
could open my mouth
and swallow the blur.

Turn a wail to a purr
in my warm dark house
if I were the earth.

A natural re-birth
on deep stable ground
if I could swallow the blur.

Wouldn’t leave me to murmur
my pain in your couch
if I were the earth.

A place to clear hurt
to quiet loud sounds
and dissolve the blur.

Fear turns to dirt
when it is found
that I am the earth.
I will swallow the blur.

* * * * * * * *


Breath is pulled from my lungs,
my throat goes hollow
every time a howling
fire truck wails down the street.

My throat goes hollow,
I could swallow those anxious faces peering
from the fire truck wailing down the street.
It would be safer in my mouth—

I could swallow those anxious faces peering,
despite pounding temples and blurred time.
It would be safer in my mouth—
I could shout a warning.

In spite of pounding temples and blurred time,
every time there’s a howling
it’s a warning
that’s been pulled from my lungs.

* * * * * * * *

Have a great week everyone!

Thanks for reading.