After an introspective year, and an especially introspective winter looking at my relationships and at my relationship with Flagstaff and with nature, I have come to the conclusion that I am happy. I made the conscious decision to let go of old responses and compromises and am experiencing presence and trust and love.
I appreciate my life and those who are in it.
I am also riding bicycles! Oh, riding is so much fun!
Last night I had a dream that I was visiting my mother and step-father. It was somewhere in New Jersey – where I grew up but not where I grew up. I was afraid to visit because I knew the house they lived in was haunted. When I arrived, I walked up a pathway through a glorious garden. When I opened the front door, I was greeted by a black cat, which I had to pass in order to step into the house. In my dream I thought, “This is an omen.”
I was afraid of the ghosts in the house, but I managed to train one of them. I told my parents the house was haunted, and proved it by telling Morris, the ghost I trained, to open and close the door, which he did. My parents told me I should stay even though the place was haunted. I said, “These ghosts are yours, not mine.” I had to leave.
I left the house and walked out beyond their garden and into the vast wasteland of highways and progress. New York City no longer interested me, and the roads were littered with beer cans and road kill. Plastic bags and papers blew around in the breeze.
When I awoke, I realized I let go of the ghosts. I was in a place where I felt absolutely safe, happy, and loved, and it was a place I chose to be. Outside the sun was rising and the air was fresh. Pine. Big blue sky. The entire day ahead of me, and all I had to do was notice.
All I have to do is notice.
Thanks for reading! Have a great week.