A Conversation Between Lewis Howes and Dr Gabor Mate
Re-Parenting our Souls and our Culture
I listened to this conversation between Lewis Howes and Dr Gabor Mate and I think/feel/know it’s important to share!
I’m going to re-listen, I want to give myself the “five things every parent needs to give their children.” A big part of my adult life has been parenting my child self. I did not get the five things from my parents when I was growing up. The longer I am alive, the more I see how not having my needs met as a child has affected the way I relate and move and relate to others in the world.
The five things are:
- For parents – Do your own work (on your traumas). Ongoing healing.
- Secure attachment – being loved just for being alive.
- Rest – not having to work to “make” the relationship work.
- Freedom to experience and express all emotions in a stable environment and still be loved.
- Free unprogrammed play in nature with multiple playmates of different ages. Free spontaneous creative play.
I am not a parent. I decided not to have children for a number of reasons. Slowly, slowly, slowly I’m learning how to celebrate my child self. And to allow myself to feel without judgment, and to express my feelings without fear of being abandoned or punished or killed. I still don’t fully express myself, but I’m learning.
When I dampen the voice that wants to speak, it hurts. Unconsciously silencing myself is brutal. Each time I do it, it feels like a dull blade rubbing and pressing into my chest, or upper back, or my abdomen.
I need to find as many ways as possible to allow expression and play and rest and regular joy to be my experience. We all need that.
Whether we have children or not, we effect everyone we have relationship with, so we can still help with ending generational trauma. Dr Mate brings up some principals that feel like a beginning, a place to begin exploring re-parenting ourselves and parenting our children.
“. . . all of us, whatever our race, creed or color are the children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try.” -Alcoholics Anonymous.
More ripples in the collective.
September 17, 2022