The world says “Breathe”

Everyday these past few days has been an intense push musically. I’m feeling out to sea, though the music sounded good today.

I was ambitious this morning and listed three things I will let go of, three things I am grateful for, and three things I will focus on.

Today I will let go of:

• expecting the dress I ordered to arrive by Thursday in time for the show
• self-hatred
• worrying about money

Today I am grateful:

• for Graham’s kindness, humor, and honesty
• to listen to music that is original, spacious, and vulnerable
• I have a beautiful voice

Today I will focus on:

• making music
• making art
• being a happy and healthy person

I was peaceful driving in silence while looking for a parking space. It took about 45 minutes to find a spot this morning. I planned on only being in the city to rehearse for a couple of hours, then somehow I managed to spend $50 and five hours in Manhattan. I jumped on the wrong train back to Brooklyn in my haste to get home. 

I want to paint. I have 108 pieces of wood gessoed, stacked, and waiting for me to paint. They are a sub-series of a very large project that’s been years in the making (in my mind).

Tomorrow I will paint and practice music at home. 

My time got pulled today – I got pulled. I can see where my boundaries slipped.

I can slow down. I can miss my friends who aren’t here. I can notice how slippery it feels to let go of control of handling my mother’s care. I can accept that things are changing swiftly enough. I can breathe.

December 13, 2022
Brooklyn, NY