disturbed (fragment)

It disturbs me even thinking about it. I don’t embarrass easily, but this was such a disaster. The sound of one hand clapping.

Sometimes I think about performing, all the performing I’ve done, and I know I have been carrying out someone else’s vision. And as I write that I think, bull! I interpreted someone else’s work, and I was good at it. Yeah. Not that I had no voice. It disturbs me to think I have no voice now. No imagination.

Oh. That’s horribly disturbing, the idea, the knowledge that my imagination is being sucked dry. Is sucked dry.

Where do I nurture the well?

Being married disturbs me. Being alive often disturbs me.

I think our new neighbors downstairs are going to disturb me.

© 2006