Born on a Thursday # 38 – What Next?

Relationships excite me and baffle me at the same time. Sometimes I feel like I am swimming in the most luxurious pool, completely relaxed and surrendered to feeling immense pleasure and bliss—and the next minute realizing that what I thought was a dive into deep waters turns out to be the shallow end and I am about to be very hurt when I crash at the bottom. I often don’t know which end is up and I keep thinking I am going to get it right, while at the same time trying to convince myself there is no right or wrong.

flowers etching by holly troy © 2013Studying, writing, working on/with Svadhistana (2nd Chakra) right now. Svadhistana issues are relationships, pleasure, creativity, finances, personal ethics and the right to feel. Of course, at the same time, a lot of those issues are kicked up in my life right now (uncomfortably). I want to detach, and yet, I don’t want to detach. I want to be fully embodied in my experiences. I like pushing my own boundaries, and have been a bit too comfortable with being uncomfortable (accepting stuff that makes me feel unhappy, frustrated, annoyed, demoralized for too long – it’s dishonest, and it blocks love and creativity). Too many externals have been feeling like a dead end right now, feelings deadened, and I need to make a shift before I internalize it.

I know it all starts with breathing, gratitude, and letting go of what cannot be changed. And feeling, and moving, and letting the feelings move, and taking action—even if they are tiny.

A few strokes in a new direction and I know the water will be just fine.

“For a Yogi, nothing is impossible. If something seems impossible, turn it to something difficult. From difficult to something easy. From something easy, to Realization.” Swami Vishnu-devananda