All the place you can take.
Took a walk in the misty mountain rain – it was the most joyful thing I have done in a long while. The fog, the haze makes everything look a little white, a little smoky.
I walked up a rocky path to a small ridge along the rise in the mountain behind the flat where I am staying just as it began raining. Looking up at the grey swirl of clouds, I thought about lightning for a minute and decided to take my chances. The snowcapped peaks surrounding Crested Butte looked like blurry painted backgrounds fading into the pale sky.
At the ridge I turned left, on an exposed path through sage brush before a short pine forest loop. The rain starting coming down harder. I turned around and took the path to the right, which was shorter and followed along the edge of hill with a slight decline until it met the forest, a stream, and the very end of town.
It began to softly sleet. Misty mountain air, hush rush of the stream, buzz of hummingbirds, moist pine, willows and sage. I remembered being twenty years old, living on a mountain in New Jersey, walking around the summit every day and wondering what I was going to do with my life – feeling like I had been through a lifetime of life already. I thought I would continue to spend a lot of time alone and become a tracker, a forest ranger, because I loved the woods and nature, and, I’d had enough of people.
And then, in one night, at a party I almost didn’t go to, the direction of my life changed. I met Paul (Ena) Kostabi. He asked if I could sing like I danced – and I said, “of course.” He handed me a tape and the next thing I knew I had a week to learn a dozen songs and it was decided I was going on tour with Youth Gone Mad.
I have no regrets. Not only did I not become a tracker, but I moved back to New York City and fulfilled my original dream of going to art school and fronted a few bands. I discovered yoga and became a yoga teacher, I immersed myself in healing and spirituality. I grew. I fell back in love with people. I became a New Yorker. I struggled, and, I had fun.
I am happy I walked in the rain. I wondered if it was possible to be burnt out with the sun. I thought about my dream of visiting Ireland. I thought about my old bandmate Sanford, how he just moved to London this week, and how I hear it rains a lot. My favorite next-adventure-fantasy is to live out the rest of my life as an expat.
But where to next?
Now I’m drinking tea called Throat and Soul Soother. It is a dark golden amber color and it is sweet and smooth. Before the rain, I strolled the town and took myself out to dinner. I felt decadent – even though all I had was a small gluten-free pizza. It was chilly, but I sat outside anyway. Afterward, I walked to the local apothecary and let out a deep sigh when I stepped inside. Rich earth smell of herbs, wood floors, shelves. I bought ancient forest tea with roses, the tea I am drinking, and sandalwood incense. When I walked out of the shop, I touched my face to take my mask off and realized I never put it on!
I’ve been coming across all sorts of writing regarding blissing out on life exactly as it is, right now. After all, having is evidence of wanting. I’m playing with this idea – I’m curious to see what happens when I pay attention to how much bliss, joy, happiness I can handle.
Which brings me to a meditation I created a little over a decade ago. Since then, I have learned so much more about recording and technology, but the heart and soul is there. It’s called: 2nd Chakra ~ Exploring Ecstasy from Journey through the Chakras:
Sat chit ananda.
PS: [added on May 26, 2021] – one of my friends noted that the header image of Buddha reminds her of George Floyd! When I took the picture, i thought the same thing, and then the thought left my mind. I am glad she mentioned it. Blessings and honor to the spirit of George Floyd.
May 21. 2021
Crested Butte, Colorado, USA