Born on a Thursday # 16: What do I want?

Too many times recently (in recent days and months) I have been baffled by the question, “What do you want?” Well shit, I think. I used to know. I feel so weird, saying what I want. I feel even weirder not being able to answer the question. I used to know the answer, it’s simple – I want to be a singer in a band that tours, and I want to be an artist – a painter, and an established writer. I think it’s coming down to more than a profession, or a title, or a “something”. I already am/or was those things (ok, maybe not an established writer, but that’s not the point).

moon on eclipse eve - May 23, 2013
moon on eclipse eve

So in honor of the Eve of the Eclipse, Pluto on my Sun and Uranus squaring Pluto and, in my personal chart, about to oppose itself, I did a ritual that included writing about what I want. I am hoping this allows me to open up and play with the next direction I’d like my life to take. Also, I hope it inspires you to ask yourself the same question.

What do I want?

I want fluid movement, to enjoy that movement everyday in my back, neck, arms, and shoulders, in my hips and my legs. I want whatever will get me there. I want to dance everyday, to feel that movement originate from the center of my being and move out past my fingertips. I want to release anything that keeps me stiff, caged, inert—thank you for your protection and support, I want to move now. I want to feel space between my cells, shimmers of light, see my cells as light, billions of tiny stars in my Being Universe.

I want to get playfully “far out.”

I want to feel music ripple through my body, I want to amplify that feeling, love, through sound and art, I want to chant and sing and play with incredible musicians, rock mantra, yantra, hatha, hollah, trust!

I want to learn how to belly dance and have guidance from teachers who are perfect for me. I want to deepen my yoga practice—physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, relationally . . .

I want to make good art! I want to paint what’s in my mind, I want to feel color and shape, line and form —fluid. I want to share creative process, joy, fluidity. I want bliss, fun, trust.

I want to open to what I want—what it right for me. I want to choose foods that are good for my body and that I enjoy.

I want my energy to flow all day, and to receive positive energy, too. I want to do work that is joy-filled, I want to be in the right place at the right time, I want to write, I want to love.

I want to give and receive love easily and effortlessly. I want meaningful connection. I want to evolve and learn. I want radiant, vibrant health. I want a radiant, vibrant lover who is supportive and understanding of my need to play and be independent. I want a lover who is healthy and happy and who enjoys life independently of me and who also enjoys me and being with me when we spend time together. I want a lover who wants to evolve and learn, too, and who is willing to dance and be silly with me, who values me and likes me for who I am. I want a lover who I value and like, and who I want to dance and be silly with, too.

I want to travel. I want to heal. I want to allow healing to grow and thrive. I want to continue to expand my healing work and I want my joy and bliss to be a part of that work. I want to be safe to open to more subtle energies.

I want to live. I want the means to live happily, blissfully. I want community. I want to thank all the people in my life for being in my life.

I want to write and tell compelling stories.

I want guidance for right action. I want to be open to something better than i can imagine. I want Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, etc. I want experience, adventure, action.

I want this list to help me get more clear on what I want!

Om shanti.

So be it, so it is.
So be it, so it is.
So be it, so it is.

Holly

5 thoughts on “Born on a Thursday # 16: What do I want?

    1. this weekend I felt some new muscles ripple to life while I was dancing to some really amazing music and surrounded by happy people. something is happening!!

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