I did the interview for i want what SHE has on Radio Kingston today. That was an intense experience. Last night I was reviewing my experiences and the workshop I created for the conversation on the show when I felt the impulse to thank people for reaching out about my mom.

I haven’t had words – but they are coming back. And today, I spoke for two hours about Divine Love and creativity and being alive and being in the world.

I spoke about my workshop for the Kingston OPositive Festival.

I am Divine Love – a Playful Affirmation of the True Nature of Self
Sunday, October 13th from 4:30 to 5:30
Good Work Institute – 65 James Street, Kingston, NY

I made a video last night – and – I am still catching up. Actually, everything is happening perfectly in its own time. 

Thank you for the condolences and the love and the support that so many people have sent my family and me regarding my mother’s passing on October 2nd. I haven’t had the chance to get back to most people to say, “thank you.”

I’ve been really busy with my family, really busy with my own space. I’ve been creating the space for myself to create and to live and to have a life.

These last few weeks, really focused on my mother and her comfort and being with her. Some of my close friends have come by or I’ve seen them over the last couple weeks. My family and I had a lot of support from a really good friend who helped – especially helped me changing my mom – helped me help my mom – helped my aunts.

Nobody was falling apart, we were just doing what we could what was in front of us.

It was a very present time. There were beautiful moments singing to my mom, chanting, rocking her.

We thought she was going to die a week before she passed. Hospice also said she was ready. There were many times we thought she was going to pass over the last year. Last week I said it’s going to happen on the Eclipse. She died on October 2, a few hours after the Libra Solar Eclipse. So that’s a New Moon in Libra. Mercury was in line with the sun and the moon as well, squaring Mars in Cancer. Cancer is the Mother.

It wasn’t a surprise to me.

It was beautiful.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of practical things. Over the last few years, I have had to learn how to slow down. I have had to be present, and it’s been a gift, and it’s been frustrating sometimes. But there’s really nothing like dying that makes you go, “Wow.”

I don’t really have words for it yet.

I don’t have words for it yet.

I all I can say is I’m incredibly grateful for everyone who has been so supportive and just grateful that I was able to be here. I was going to go on a little vacation, but that changed pretty much as I was, ready to go – and that’s okay, too.

There are a few things coming up that I’m excited about and that my mom was excited about. Next week, I am going to be teaching a wellness workshop at the O positive festival on Sunday, October 13, at 430 in Kingston. And the workshop is: I am Divine Love – a playful affirmation of the true nature of Self. It came about because I had been doing a mantra called Aham Prema. I’d been doing it publicly and live on Instagram. Aham prema means “I am divine love.” I created a workshop around it, and it’s really playful, and there’s time for integration, and it’s going to be a lot of fun.

Tomorrow (today) October 7, from one to three Eastern time, I’m going to be on Radio Kingston, speaking with Theresa Widmann about the workshop and about life, about creativity, about all the things that I love to do – which is being creative, the process of creativity, and moving through that creativity, even the hard stuff with curiosity and playfulness and joy and fun.

I have to say that this last week, I’m not going to say it was totally fun, but there was a lot of curiosity and presence. I was very lucky to have people around me who were present . When there wasn’t presence. I very much felt that. When there was presence, it allowed for spaciousness, for laughter or even tears. There was a flow of emotions, there was a flow of energy that happened. Because of presence and exchange of energy. That’s what it was – an exchange.

I noticed that when when presence was shut off, so too was the exchange of energy, so too was the exchange of emotion.

I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to be talking about tomorrow, but I’m very excited about the conversation.

I have so many projects that have been there in my mind, or on a whiteboard, but the movement on them has been so micro, slow is the only way I could do it. Now there’s this, “Ah, okay, now that so much energy isn’t being put toward the situation of caregiving – what do you wanna do?” That’s just being honest.

It’s exciting that the first thing I’m doing is talking about life – tomorrow – for two hours – or for however long we talk.

I’m excited to be present for the conversation, and then to offer a workshop about Divine Love – Playful Affirmation. I’m also going to be volunteering in the wellness clinic for Tarot. I’ll be reading for people who are the artists and volunteers for the the O positive Festival.

I have heard when you are having a hard time it’s good to do service for others. My hope is that my offering lightens the world a little bit.

For the intro to this workshop I’m doing, I wrote, “We have choice — we are not only shaped by our culture, we are also the builders of our culture.

“In the book, Making the Gods Work for You, Caroline Casey says, ‘Visionary activism invites us to participate actively in shaping and creating our personal and collective reality by embarking on an adventure of joyful maximum self-cultivation.'”

“Small actions (can) lead to big shifts in our collective consciousness. Our unique life experiences, our stories, our self-expression, our creativity make ripples in our personal and communal evolution. We are all meant to be here and we are all creators — right here right now. As artists, (sometimes) we know this.”

“Sometimes we need to be reminded just by being alive, we are not only worthy of love, we are love.”

I am thinking about all of this and sitting with how I feel right now. It feels true. It feels true to me to have a connection with another person or another being – it doesn’t even have to be a person – it could be like a dog, or, any being, an animal.

I had an intense conversation with a possum about a month ago, trying to get it to move out of the road. And it did. Thank goodness I came by the next day and it had. There was no trace of it on the road. I was worried that it was going to get hit.

It’s like I’ve been practicing experiencing joy, experiencing curiosity – not just experiencing it, but being it.

Joy, curiosity, love, playfulness – when it comes down to being with someone as they’re moving closer to death, I’m grateful that I’ve been I’ve been able to be there for my mother in a way that is curious and joyful and loving and playful.

More and more of the people who are in my life have those qualities. I can only say that the dedication to those qualities and to creativity has really changed my life in the last few years in a way that is very colorful and profound and surprising.

Surprise!

Yeah, I’m gonna stop there.

Thank you, again.

I will be in touch, doing, doing the best I can as I also kind of stumble and dance and twirl toward the next thing. Like I often say, “making the map as I go.”

Making the map as I go, Yeah, and I don’t know any other way.

Peace and Love —

~ ~ ~ ~

October 7, 2024
Hudson Valley, NY