moons, asteroids, and bringing it all back home

Over the last few days, I’ve been writing an article about my upcoming class, Co-Creating with the Cosmos. Writing the article has me looking at the influence of astrology in my life. Some of the clearest benefits for me has been in the embodiment and expression of emotions, understanding and compassion for myself and humanity, and affirmation that we are all connected.

In my twenties, I began researching moon cycles in particular. This dance with the moon has been personally empowering,  and a gateway to understanding myself, culture, and larger cosmic cycles.

One of the clearest gifts I have received from twenty-five-plus years of lunar focus is the depth in which I am able to be grounded in self-expression. I am still learning, still going deeper – through astrology, yoga, writing, art and music making, being in nature, relating and connecting with others, meditation, and teaching.

beginning a journey - snapshot of holly troy by Jason Keene
Snapshot of me as a very young woman – early on my metaphysical journey – sitting by a friend’s altar. San Francisco,  circa 1991, snapshot by Jason Keene.

I’ve been aware of my propensity to dissociate since I was young. I knew I grew up in an abusive situation, and continued to relive abuse in my relationships as an adult. I was distrusting of my own feelings and vulnerability – and I still need space and time alone to check in with myself.

It wasn’t until the last couple of years that I came to terms with how severe the abuse was – partly through an astrological cycle called the Chiron return – and partly because I took a deep look at beliefs and behaviors that had been keeping me from the life and love I longed for. I took on the task of changing those beliefs and behaviors. So much healing has happened for me, and I know there is much more to go. I am trusting and enjoying the dance of not-knowing, possibility, and new experiences.

I had to imagine and step into the unknown to move into a happier, more creative, more embodied, sustainable life. I knew exactly what I wanted when I was a child, and I couldn’t wait to be an adult so I could “get away” and be all that I could be. Thing was, in the meantime, I came up with coping mechanisms that at once kept me safe, and also kept me small.

So here I am, growing and learning how to live, day by day, experiencing and allowing small miracles to shape my life. I am grateful for my experiences, and curious to see what this constant unfolding reveals.

I wrote the poem below when I was in my mid-twenties (mid-1990s). I had a very hard time expressing uncomfortable emotions. If I sensed any danger, I had the distinct feeling of hands closing over my throat, shutting off my ability to speak. In moments of overwhelm, anxiety, embarrassment or humiliation, I would just take off, leave my body, often watching the situation from above or behind.

Writing was a way to help me anchor back in to myself. This poem describes me observing myself having an out-of-body experience while walking down Avenue A in the East Village, New York City.

I am a far more grounded and down-to-earth person today.

Where Asteroids Come From

Today
as I walked
down
the street
I found myself
lifting off, floating in
space—
my body
dis-
membered
but
hanging by
twine.
A piece of ham, a tad of T-bone.
A heart-ache, a tooth-ache
glazed
and
clove-pricked.

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I'm a rock-n-roller poet who left the Big Apple for the Big Sky Desert where I've been letting it be and grooving with universal love, singing to the gods, dancing with the muses and bicycling with dreamtime messengers. I like altering my reality through imagination, movement, breath, and makin' stuff.

25 thoughts on “moons, asteroids, and bringing it all back home

  1. I’ve never been into astrology, but that’s great that is has helped you collect yourself after so much abuse. I love your poem. I’m looking forward to the next Isolation Song.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Timothy. Yeah, looking at patterns, the small ones and the bigs ones, has helped me, I think, not feel so afraid of the unknowns in life. In some ways, so much of the unknown has been better than the known. And, also, trusting my imagination and intuition had got me through a lot – as a little kid I was very aware that my surrounding were screwy – but I got a little too good at biding my time.

      We are learning some new songs – and writing some new ones, too! I’m in my room writing, and Paul is in his studio writing. 🙂

      I hope you are having a wonderful day. I have a lot more writing to do today, but am going to take a break to get my body moving and enjoy some sunshine.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Wonderfully resonant and open honesty released from just as wonderfully healthy boundaries. Well, that what it feels like over here. Clean. Thoughtful. Lush and verdant Self-perspectives continually and perennially naturalizing in the garden, be it mundane gardening (which is never mundane) and/or Soul Gardening.

    A+ to you for working with your Chiron Return. That’s an oft missed bigger. Can only set fluid fluency to magically mix with the flows of that next 7-year Saturn Return. Though, as in Gladiator, as if speaking to the Saturn Return, “I’ll see you soon. But, not yet. Not yet.”

    I’ve just been through my Chiron Return as well. It provided one of my most fecund Astro Mining processes to date. Tons there, tons more to geode-crack open as the not-knowing moves along presenting gems and experiences past the cairns of the trails, beyond the triggers of the surface. Some juicy. Some with teeth. All with experience.

    Oh, do I love the Southwest! Was in Denver for almost 20 years (1991-2010), then Santa Fe, NM for 4 years prior to moving to the East Coast 5 years ago. Big Abrazos smiles for taking me back there to The Land.

    Your poem is … where are the words? You’re poem… Yes. Yes. I’ve been driving my personal charting with Moira for the last 8 years. Really gets into my internal sense of timing and amplifies fluency through the big aspects of my Chart.

    Thanks for the poem especially, and as well for expressing your process through its motions. There’s a community wisdom gesture right there. Know it is appreciated.

    Shamanic dismemberment. The snake. The snake’s skin shedded. The snake, its skin not missed. I smile that it felt you get happier and less fettered by past as you go along. That’s wicked cool. I’m a little biased, as that has been my way as well to, “Don’t waste trouble.”

    Wonderful tracking through the story in the poem in ways that catalyze perspective with the experiential is-ness of gifts sent out in each line.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Love it! The Nigredo. The Lead. “Turn that shit into gold.” Effin love it.
        Xo

        P.s. Have you gotten your “free copy” yet? Understood you’ve been BUSY. This post alone is ++++. I AM, though extremely curious as to your take on it.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I haven’t had a chance to dive in yet, though this morning over coffee I was telling Paul – Jordan has so much rich work to read – and I am falling behind!

          That being said – I am really grateful for your perspectives, and I will soon be diving in! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  3. 🙂 There’s no falling behind on my work. No news is good news with the perspective of seeing you working wonderfully on yours. Glad it was discussed over coffee. I like coffee.

    Plus, when I’m working, it tends to be relatively prolific. It goes in cycles, sometimes non-stop, sometime full-on paused while I gestate. Again, 🙂

    I’ve affected a pregnant pause on my blog posting until I set up a page for ImaginAction — except lol for the 10-long blog post accidentally published last night, now reverted to Draft to serve it up in courses rather than the Banquet of them all together — too long, Super Long. ImaginAction, especially in these times, from my perspective, needs to shine and resonate from the display window Marquis so to speak until I build it a Page home. Working on that now.

    It’s pretty much a Queen of Swords with which I operate. No news is good news. No false sense of urgency enters the heart of the mindset. She’s strongly and naturally acclimated to her experiences enough to be strong enough to be gentle. Yes, not the typ Q of S, though I feel she has depth of the Quickening of the Quench.

    On your own time. On your own time.

    I, though, am curious about your upcoming workshop. Feels vibrantly important. Have I missed that it’s been solidified? If so, please give me a link or sim.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have a long blog post coming, then a better description of the workshop coming in the next day or so. I’ll be working with the new moon energy every month until . . . I don’t know when. I’m calling the workshop Co-Creating with the Cosmos, and the first official Zoom call class will be on May 20th with focus on the Gemini New Moon.

      The talk/seminar I did a week or so ago went very well. I’ll be upgrading my website over the coming months as well – so it will be easier to find things, etc. 🙂

      Like

    2. Perhaps down the line (soon down the line) we could do a ZOOM interview and turn it into a youtube video. I have a series of videos called AHA Exchange (aha stands for artists, healers, and activists – and for me – by definition – if you are any one of these you are all of these). perhaps before the release of your class!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, certainly Yes! I had a TV show back in 2013-2014, Inner State Highways. Would love to do that.

        My “class” ImaginAction is already released and on my blog for download. It’s more a Method than a Class.

        No need of before or after, Again, Q of S. Is what it is. Let me know. I’m game. I agree on the Both/And of AHA being all 3.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. “One of the clearest gifts I have received from twenty-five-plus years of lunar focus is the depth in which I am able to be grounded in self-expression.”

    I resonate with The Queen of Swords communing with the King of Wands there. Niiice! That’s some wicked cool wise in time stuff. Hail your Chiron Return work.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, you do! Isn’t that such a wondrously long process? Seems so simple now, though the things prior… they were not so simple. Debilitating is an understatement. Thanks for your staying course through, “Nay, though I walk through the shadow of the valley of Death…” I remember saying, “DaFuq?!! Wait. The shadow? Not Death itself. What’s this Loki shit in here. Ok, someone wants to play. I’m game. Which are you? Shadow? Death? Both/and? I’ve got this fear vs anxiety gig going on, so what ya got?” Pardon pulling a Brainspotting Session out here, though I dig the simple and honest clarity of those realizations. ANd, then of course, the peril of the experience diminished to wonderfully turn its vicious gaze to a nod… as it, nodding, smiling, integrated. Very Chiron Return stepping up to support especially those parts of ourselves that truly need it the most. As do we, I find.

        Liked by 1 person

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