I wrote this last year: “2024 feels like it’s about bigger possibilities, expansion, getting my feet on the ground and moving toward what I want and need. I feel the slow movements of 2023 are about to pick up speed. I’ve raised the bar on what I am willing to tolerate and I am excited to be where I’m going!”

2024 actually felt so much slower, and denser. I have no prediction for 2025, but so far, art making and social justice have activated my spirit.

100 Things that made me Grow in 2024

Here’s the list:

1. Covid while staying at a friend’s house – it was like being a ghost that had no physical control over anything. Introduction to 2024: Giving up control.
2. Losing someone I thought was a friend and accepting the sad feeling of it.
3. Surrendering the need to make art, to push my ambitions, to catch up to where I thought my life should be by my 50s.
4. Being there for my mom as she was dying.
5. As Mom lost her ability to form words — in her last weeks, speaking and singing with her by following her tone with wordless language and chirps and chants.
6. Traversing, dancing, shedding my skin along the Caduceus – transforming along the spiral path – being a part of the natural twists and turns of my mother’s death. Pure soul improv.
7. Grief.
8. Taking my time.
9. Daily dancing.
10. Qi Gong tapping timed with the affirmation: “Good morning I love you,” as part of my coffee-making routine.
11. Letting myself feel rejection on a deep level.
12. Shaking it off – but first really feeling.
13. Broken open / broken heart – and being grateful for it.
14. Allowing my heart to break, and rather than shutting down, I slowed down. In that slowness, I found pieces and fragments of myself I hadn’t known were lost. It’s a miracle to have them back.
15. Letting go of a lot of things I don’t need to carry anymore during a personal three day Aries Solar Eclipse ritual.
16. Stating clear intentions during the Aries New Moon Solar Eclipse conjunct Chiron, and looking back realizing that so much that I intended has happened and is happening.
17. Having kind conversations.
18. Looking looking looking for affordable housing for months and finally giving up.
19. Following through on my idea and applying to teach at the Kingston O+ Festival months in advance.
20. Application accepted and teaching I am Divine Love – a Playful Affirmation of the True Nature of Self.
21. Being interviewed about love by Theresa Widmann for her radio show i want what SHE has on Kingston Radio! We talked for two hours!
22. Aham Prema!
23. Putting an end to settling for being with men who aren’t available.
24. Being single on purpose and loving myself.
25. Admitting I had no idea what loving myself actually is and taking the time to find out.
26. Figuring that loving myself is a lifelong practice — one day at a time.
27. Setting boundaries with a steady client regarding my personal availability and time, while knowing that doing so would risk ending the relationship and the stable income that came with it.
28. Realizing life is too short to tolerate bullshit. “I’m done with jealousies, projections and objectification. I’ve shrugged this abuse off for my whole life – pretending it doesn’t happen. Not anymore – not when it affects my livelihood, my health, my ability to make art, have a home, be safe . . . I won’t have it, I won’t negotiate with it, I am through with it.”
29. Saying “no” to bullshit.
30. Being present for myself.
31. Being present for my mind.
32. Being present for my body.
33. Being present for my spirit.
34. Being present for my creativity.
35. Refusing to be with people who can’t be present with me.
36. Reconnecting with an old friend and immediately going into an astrology and tarot deep dive conversation that had me understanding both occult practices underpin my belief system and inform how I enjoy being in the world.
37. I really enjoy astrology.
38. I really enjoy talking astrology.
39. I really enjoy tarot.
40. I really enjoy talking about tarot.
41. Letting myself be nurtured.
42. Saying “thank you” to the Universe every morning when I wake up.
43. Loving Flagstaff, Arizona – and all the years I spent there.
44. Loving New York City – and all the years I spent there.
45. Realizing I was at peace with Mom dying while I was traveling for work. I’m so glad Mom didn’t die while I was gone. I don’t know what I was thinking.
46. Letting myself be sad.
47. Waking up without an alarm clock as a practice.
48. Walking along the Hudson River at sunset almost every night during the spring and summer months.
49. Choosing to believe everything is working out (everything is working out) for the best – even when the stuff that is happening is difficult. Worry is a waste of time and energy.
50. Choosing to move forward with a sense of curiosity, play, connectedness, and love. Everyday a miracle. Even when things aren’t easy. I can choose how I will respond to life.
51. Exploring reactions – What’s that all about? Can I be kind?
52. Letting myself be bored.
53. Painting!
54. Hiking in the pines!
55. Hugging trees!
56. Mountain bike riding!
57. Acting class! Going from being “not an actress” to “a fledgling actor”.
58. Laughter!
59. Energy!
60. New people!
61. Plum Doodles Project
62. Discomfort as part of the process.
63. Playing with this idea: Every day we create our reality.
64. Experimenting and taking a few moments in the day to see and feel my life (and the world) through the lens of love.
65. What if I am love?
66. Exploring this: Despite the noise, and, because of the noise — we are not only shaped by our culture, we also create it. The work we do as artists, musicians, writers, healers and activists is a necessary response, reflection and construction of humanity. Taking the time to recognize love, playfulness, connectedness and curiosity can make all the difference in how we engage with our selves (our bodies, minds, emotions), our ideas and work, one another, the environment, and the world. When we take the time to slow down and notice our own mental chatter, we can explore whatever noise coming at us with consciousness, nuance, and subtlety.
67. The willingness to be absurd.
68. This question: Have I done my spiritual good housekeeping to create an environment in which nourishing can take place?
69. This question: Have I found and healed the parts of myself and my culture that have experienced homelessness and exile?
70. This question: Have I given thanks to my Mother(s)?
71. This question: What part of myself do I need to feed?
72. This question: Who and/or what in my culture has been neglected and needs nourishing and protection?
73. This question: What do I want to bring to life?
74. This question: Are there people in my life who nurture and love me?
75. This question: Do I nurture and love anyone?
76. This question: What makes me feel home?
77. This question: What is home? Where is home?
78. This question: What do I want to grow?
79. This question: How do I attract nurturing and beauty?
80. This question: What makes me feel beautiful?
81. This question: Who makes me feel beautiful?
82. This question: What would I like to beautify in myself, my surroundings?
83. This question: What is beautiful in my life? Have I expressed my gratitude for those people and things?
84. This question: Do I allow time and space in my life for beauty and romantic love?
85. This question: How do I want to experience beauty and romantic love?
86. This question: Do I feel valued, safe and secure in my romantic and/or creative partnerships?
87. This question: How does art make my life better?
88. Taking into account the unseen world informing my reality.
89. Performing with polyrhythmic mantra choir, Banakha Sangha.
90. Building my art gallery / works for sale page. I finally figured out how to do it.
91. Taking note: Dream Message 08.26.2024: If I don’t live now, I’m gonna eat my future.
92. Walking at night – especially to take in the light of the full moon.
93. Building better relationships with my sisters.
94. Poetry
95. Understanding I will never be here again.
96. Grateful for people giving me the space to breathe and get grounded.
97. Grateful for spaciousness and the physical, mental, and emotional support from my immediate friends – and my friends from afar.
98. Being done with guarding, shrinking, bending, jumping for anyone who doesn’t have regard for me.
99. Feeling / knowing my work has value.
100. Working toward the possibility of leaving the United States.

BONUS 101: Most of all, dedication to joy, curiosity, love, playfulness, creativity, and presence.

I was originally inspired by Austin Kleon’s list of 100 things from 2018.

Let’s see what 2025 brings!

Peace, love, and gluten-free cookies –

Holly

March 28th, 2025
the dark of the moon before the last Aries Solar Eclipse in nine years
Mercury retrograde in Aries
Venus retrograde in Pisces
Hudson Valley, New York